Tuesday, July 28, 2009


I have thinking a lot lately about stuff. Just stuff. It seems like our whole world right now centers on adoption. Collecting documents, notarizing documents, paying for documents. All of my thoughts are on adoption related things - when will our homestudy be? How will we get a referral? When? What will Jessica look like? How old is she? When are we going to China? Blah, blah, blah.

So I am wondering how do I live my life without letting this adoption define who I am? I have noticed that maybe I am not alone in this. It seems that adoptive parents flock together. I mostly hang out with other adoptive mothers. Want to know what we talk about the whole time we are together? Gardening. Just joking - obviously, adoption. It has been great to have the encouragement and help, don't get me wrong. It's just that there is more to me than all of this.

I seem to have forgotten that though. I am so busy trying to gather things needed and prepare, it seems that it has become who I am.

I often think about the day when it is all over, said and done. When all of my children get to live under one roof. When my little homeschool has four little students. In many ways, I long for that day. For it all to just be done.

Adoption is exhausting, boring, thrilling, exciting, consuming, rewarding, expensive, worth it, crazy and all of that can happen in the span of a minute. The question is - how do I avoid letting that be all I am?


Beth said...

You don't let it consume you by only allotting a certain amount of time each day to work on the adoption plan. I know you're in the hardest part of the paperwork process right now and you've got to get it all done. You need to remember that your 3 little children in NC need their fun loving mom to focus on them for part of the day and part of the day work on getting Jessica home. Trust me, I know it sounds easier than it is. I can remember researching every little thing I could find after Ay's initial diagnosis. It was my ONLY focus for 3 1/2 months until his surgery was scheduled. It has taken me a year to get back to a place where I'm remembering who I am, and not just Ay's caregiver or his 'voice'.

Blondie said...

I'm no help...here's why:

I, too, have been consumed with various things - infertility, volunteering at church, leaving a church, having children 7 1/2 years apart, homsechooling, etc. At that time in my life - be it a season or years - my life WAS whatever I was consumed with. Yes, I still had to work...still had to be a parent...still had to be a friend...but all of those things totaled up to ME (at that time, and cumulatively to me now). This is for but a season. I know your children are not being neglected. Your friends understand that this will be your life for a while. Your husband is on the same page with you. My point: Don't beat yourself up about the consuming nature of this adoption. (I mean, we're not talking detrimental stuff like drugs or porn or whatever!)

As for who I (or you) am...it's one thing now but it will be something completely different in a year. Maybe I'm just old but it's okay with me to be Will's mom and Andrew's mom for now. I (whoever that is) will (God willing) one day have the chance to be 'me.'

So...do what you have to do and love your family and let them help and experience the whole process - no matter how boring, or mundane, or exciting. And when it is all over, you will still be you but with more experience - and something else that will define you for whatever length of time!!

TanyaLea said...

Hi Michele! :) I followed you over here from Tara's blog...it's been fun viewing your blogs and learning about your family. I do enjoy your 'oh-so-subtle' sarcasm and sense of humor...guess that's in me, too! ;) But on a serious note, I really like what 'Blondie' said about this post. You're not neglecting anyone and they do (or at least, should) understand that this is just a season, and in a month, year, whatever it may be...you will be in a different season then, too. "Life is about change and nothin' ever stays the same" ...I think that's a line from an old country song or something ...but it is so true! So embrace where you are and do your best with it, taking one day at a time, while keeping in close connection with the Lord so that He can help see you through. I think just about every adoptive parent has experienced these feelings and how daunting the paper chase can be... but there is comfort in knowing that you're not alone and that we've all 'been there!' so-to-speak.

Anyhow, I can't wait to follow along on your journey and keep up with your blogging. Your 'Wild Olive' post on your other blog made me giggle!! Great sense of humor!