Thursday, October 29, 2009


The potty train tried to leave the station. Actually, you know, it did leave the station, however, a certain little 2 1/2 year old was not on it.

I decided this week to try and potty train my little boy. I really didn't want to. I, honestly, am perfectly content with him wearing diapers indefinitely. We travel way too much and potty training + road trip = NIGHTMARE. However, I know that at some point the kid will have to pee in the toilet. Someone said to me, "You have to potty train him! He can't go to Kindergarten in diapers!!" Why not? We homeschool. Anyway, fine, the pressure of society is making me crack. So we tried. We failed.

I went and bought him Diego and Wonder Pets underwear. Fun, right? No one wants to pee on Diego. Well, except Jameson. It appears he has no trouble peeing on Diego.

So I am not sure what to do. At this point the other two had at least peed on the potty before, and actually were mostly trained. Jameson just doesn't seem to get what that big white bowl is for.

At what age is it unacceptable to still wear diapers? I do not see an end in sight.

Monday, October 26, 2009


My mind that is. I am not kidding, it's gone.

I have no update to speak of (imagine that), but I do have to share something scary. Lately, I have been incredibly tired. We have been busy, and the stress of an adoption that, in my mind, is frozen in time, is apparently getting the best of me. Last night I dreamed that I drove to Washington, DC to get my documents authenticated. When I got there, the US Secretary of State was in a hotel. It was like a little side office in the lobby. Maybe I am wrong, but that should have been my first clue that this dream was nuts. I am pretty sure Hillary Clinton would not be pleased to work in a hotel lobby. Anywho, I got "in line" to get my documents done. When it was my turn, I walked up to the window (very much like a doctor's office) and spoke to the "receptionist". It was at this moment that this already weird dream turned absolutely insane - I handed the lady a half eaten egg salad sandwich to authenticate. She took the sandwich like it was totally normal to authenticate one. She started processing it, and in my mind, I kept thinking, give me back my sandwich. I am really hungry! Seriously, the whole time she was working I was panicking about my lunch. I kept trying to think of a scheme to get my sandwich back. I told her that I would come back later. She assured me it wouldn't take long, and if I left, I would have to get back in that really long line. She seemed very eager to assist me. It was making me nervous, like I was afraid she was going to eat my sandwich or something. I don't remember what happened from there, thank goodness.

Isn't that so bizarre? I remember when I was pregnant, I would have the strangest dreams. So vivid and real. I guess I have that to look forward to with our adoption too. I just hope I don't dream that Jessica is a lizard, like I did with Jackson.

I can guarantee when the time comes for me to overnight my documents to be authenticated, I will not be mailing a half eaten egg salad sandwich.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009


I have done it before, so I thought I would do it again. Here is a fairly recent video of my hubby leading worship at our church. If you have time, check it out!!

Sunday, October 11, 2009


The homestudy is not completed yet. Honestly, I am not sure how long it takes to write the report up. All of our visits are done, but I know the hard part is actually writing the homestudy. In our state, they have 90 days to get it done. Our social worker said it shouldn't take this long, but she didn't say how long it would take. So, for now, we are waiting. Obviously, I am praying that it is done much quicker than 90 days, but at least I have a completed date in mind (ugh, even if it is December!).

On a slightly different note though, I got am email from our family coordinator with some encouraging news. She said that once we are accepted into the waiting child program (which technically we are, a completed homestudy has to be on file to be official), we could be matched that same day! Now I am not optimistic that it would be that soon, but it is possible. She said that if we were willing to accept a child with unrepaired needs (cleft lip/cleft palate, clubbed feet, minor/major heart disease, just to name a few) the match could come quickly - even for an infant girl (the most in "demand"). Or, if we are willing to accept an "older" child (3+ is considered older), we could be matched quickly as well.

So maybe that is why I am so anxious for our homestudy to be done. Once it is, I could see Jessica's face for the first time! We are willing to accept all of the above, so we could possibly be matched before the end of the year!!!

Now I realize that this is all speculation. It could be much longer than that. I am just sharing what Melissa (our FC) emailed me this week. At this point, I am praying for the gift of discernment. It will be difficult to be offered a child, and not say yes. I pray that Jesus gives us wisdom and the knowledge to know when it's JESSICA. I want to bring them all home, but my house isn't quite big enough for 147 million kids. LOL. I just hope when I see her face, I know that I am looking at the face of MY child.

What a great Christmas present, huh? I always thought that it would be so neat to announce a pregnancy at Christmas. Our timing never worked out that way. I mean I guess I could have, but my gigantic beached whale look would have been a dead giveaway. Maybe this year, I will get to make a big annoucement.


Or not, as it were. I was watching a program on TV tonight about a girl (well, a 25 year old woman) trying to buy her first place. She had her dad with her for support. It really got me thinking. Who am I kidding? I think about it all the time, but the show really made me think more about it at this moment in time.

Daddy's little girl. That phrase literally makes me feel kind of sick. You see, I have never been daddy's little girl. Maybe I was way back when, like when I was little, little. But honestly, my fondest memories of my dad seem to stop around the age of five. After that, he was there, but never really there.

I can't explain why or how. I simply can not wrap my mind around the way it's been. I can't imagine not longing to hear my child's voice. Clearly, he doesn't have that longing, because I can't remember the last time I spoke to him.

For a while, it seemed he at least attempted to keep contact, but as the years have gone on, not so much.

You know what? It devastates me. Really and truly breaks my heart. I see people that have such a close relationship with their dad's, and it makes me feel so empty. My father in law is honestly the best dad I have ever met. If his kids (you know what? Including me.) need him in anyway, he makes them a priority. He calls frequently. He helps in any way possible. And most importantly, he enjoys spending time with his kids.

I don't understand how I basically could disappear from my dad's life and it's ok. I do have to say my step mom has really stepped up and has been the dad to me that my dad can't be. She is awesome and I love her. Thankfully she has really tried to bridge the gap.

Sometimes, most of the time, all of the time, I just wish I was daddy's little girl.

Saturday, October 10, 2009


I want to say thank you. It really took courage to post an apology to me, and I truly appreciate it. I would be very interested in hearing how adoption has touched your life... if you ever feel like sharing. Anyway, thanks again. Please know that I have already forgotten it and my heart holds no hard feelings.

To my other friends that posted a comment - Tara, Pam, Valerie, and Tanya - thank you so very much for the kind, uplifting words. What a gift you all are to me. I could never thank you enough for building us up and being there for us. I look forward to sharing my journey with you. Thank you again for your friendship. I treasure it.

Friday, October 9, 2009


While I appreciate your "interest" in our adoption story, I do not appreciate your snarky comments. Clearly, there are some issues that you are dealing with, and I am sorry for that. However, I would prefer that you keep your comments to yourself. This journey is difficult enough by itself, I personally do not need negative feedback.

In your last comment, you asked me who I thought was going to pay for everything? Well, so far, we have. However, I don't owe you an explanation as to how WE are funding OUR adoption, contrary to what you might believe. For what it's worth, I have never (nor do I ever plan on) asked my church family for money.

Here is the bigger picture - we are doing what we are called to do by OUR FATHER. I do understand that when you are walking in the will of Jesus, satan is never closer. I understand that he is trying his very hardest to rob us of our joy. I understand that he is using YOU to do that. Now ask yourself if that is where you want to be? Allowing satan to use you to tear someone down or lifting people up in Jesus?

Whatever your case may be, feel free to move on to someone else. I don't need whatever you have to offer.

Lastly, I want to apologize for letting my flesh take over with this post. I have just had enough. For those of you that have encouraged me and have truly been a friend to me, thank you. I mean that with all of my heart. I am sorry that you have had to read this.