Thoughts

I have thinking a lot lately about stuff. Just stuff. It seems like our whole world right now centers on adoption. Collecting documents, notarizing documents, paying for documents. All of my thoughts are on adoption related things - when will our homestudy be? How will we get a referral? When? What will Jessica look like? How old is she? When are we going to China? Blah, blah, blah.

So I am wondering how do I live my life without letting this adoption define who I am? I have noticed that maybe I am not alone in this. It seems that adoptive parents flock together. I mostly hang out with other adoptive mothers. Want to know what we talk about the whole time we are together? Gardening. Just joking - obviously, adoption. It has been great to have the encouragement and help, don't get me wrong. It's just that there is more to me than all of this.

I seem to have forgotten that though. I am so busy trying to gather things needed and prepare, it seems that it has become who I am.

I often think about the day when it is all over, said and done. When all of my children get to live under one roof. When my little homeschool has four little students. In many ways, I long for that day. For it all to just be done.

Adoption is exhausting, boring, thrilling, exciting, consuming, rewarding, expensive, worth it, crazy and all of that can happen in the span of a minute. The question is - how do I avoid letting that be all I am?

CONTINUING EDUCATION

A couple of months ago, I signed up for a photography class at the local community college. It is on Thursday nights, for two hours. I have really enjoyed it. It will be over in two weeks, and I am kind of sad. I have learned some things, but I have mostly enjoyed the socialization. The socialization and the actual getting out of my house.

Anyway, I just got the schedule for fall. I am thinking of doing it again. I want to do something different this time though. I have always wanted to learn how to sew, or knit, or crochet. I think sewing could really be helpful in a lot of ways. I could make Julianna and Jessica's clothes. I could help Brad with the Passion Play stuff. I could make cool things like my bloggy friend, Lori. I do like the idea of knitting too. I could make gifts and stuff.

I think it would be a ton of fun. Of course, if I didn't want to learn how to sew or knit, I could always take pole dancing, belly dancing or line dancing. *Shudder*. The thought of any of those, especially line dancing, literally makes me cringe. LOL!

Travel

I would love thoughts/personal experiences from everyone. For the last couple of days we have talked about who will be traveling to China to get sweet Jessica. Obviously, I am going (like I would let Brad go while I stayed behind with the kids. That makes me laugh thinking about the ridiculousness of that thought). For as long as I can remember since feeling the adoption call, I have prayed God would provide a way for all of us to go. When I told Brad that, he wasn't on board. He thought it would be crazy to take our three children half way around the world. I do understand his thoughts and fears - the money, the chaos, etc... But how could I leave my babies behind? What if they needed me? A little side story for you (to back up my idea that they should come along) - last night I was running to Walmart when my cell phone rang. It was Brad. He had just gotten Jamey out of the bath and he noticed a weird thing on his leg. He called me to ask if I had seen it - I had not. We went down the list of possible scenarios. A mosquito bite (he reacts badly to those), a burn (I would have known if my baby burnt his leg), finally he said, "Michele, you need to come home." Done. I pulled a u turn in the middle of the road and was home in 3 minutes. Sure enough, I had to take him to the ER. They said it was one of three things - a brown recluse bite (GASP), cellulitis (a skin infection) or MRSA (UGH). It was red and blistery, and oozing clear liquid. The oozing was out of control and actually running down his leg. He is ok, but it scared the fire out of me. Still does, actually. So what would have happened if I had been in China? Sure someone else could have taken care of him, but what if they didn't think to take him to the ER? His leg could have rot off by morning. Not to mention, my baby wanted his mommy. 'Nough said. He's going to China. They all are. Endofdiscussion.

There are more reasons I want them there. I want them to experience the culture. I want them to taste the food and smell the smells. I want them to see the Great Wall and know what a extraordinary thing it is. I want them to get to go on an airplane. I want them to meet their sister and bond with her. They have all been there for the birth of their siblings, this time should be no different. Will it be hard? Sure. Will they drive me crazy? Absolutely. But I simply can NOT leave them for two weeks. They have never even had a baby sitter. I don't want to eat dinner alone, much less be away for so long. Plus, what other school do you know that takes kids to China on field trips? LOL! Ours does! It's a once in a life time opportunity until we go back to get another child. Plus they love soy sauce. LOL!

Even though I have my mind made up, I would love to hear thoughts from others...

A MOVING MESSAGE

A blog that I frequently visit posted one of the most moving posts I have ever read yesterday. I will include a link. Please go and read it. Please.

Signs of Hope.

When you are done, I would love for you to come back here and share what you thought.

An Update

Well, after much consideration, we are switching agencies. We have had a great experience with WACAP. However, with us adopting special needs, we just weren't comfortable with WACAP anymore. They wont lock a file until you have a list of 9 items submitted. I was afraid that by the time I could get those things together (not even including consulting our physician) the child wouldn't be available. Another thing that always bothered me, was the fact that the agency was not Christian affiliated.

So now, we are signed with America World Adoption. I hope we have made the right choice. It is so overwhelming. I did find out that they offer a discount to pastors! So that is awesome!

I am still nervous, and still afraid. How do you know which way to go?? ACK! Hopefully we are one step closer to getting our daughter!

RECIPE

Well, I am not sure how much of a "recipe" I have but I will share where the inspiration started. awesome recipe blog. I actually took this recipe and kind of did my own thing. For the chicken, I used boneless, skinless breasts. I cut it up in bite sized chunks. For the batter, I used 1/2 cup of cornstarch and 3 eggs. Now I have never considered breading chicken in cornstarch, but it works. It was perfect texture and consistency. I just deep fried it and placed it to the side.

For the sauce, I really doctored it. For one, that is a lot of garlic and a good bit of ginger. I used a little of each, but honestly, I could have lived without the ginger at all. You can adapt the taste to your liking. I realized that technically it isn't "sesame" chicken according to her website, but it sure tasted like sesame chicken to me.

When all the chicken was done frying, I threw the sauce (blended in the processor), the chicken and sugar peas into the wok and just tossed it around until it got hot.

It was darn good, and it looked just like her photo. If you all try it, let me know how you like it. It was a huge hit at my house!

So check this out...

I know I keep saying that Jesus is providing, but let me just tell you how. First of all, another friend slipped me a check last weekend. The generosity of my friends is so very humbling. I am so grateful for people that genuinely care about us and our little girl.

So I told you that God had really met our needs. Well, a check came in the mail today that I was expecting. However, it was $1000 MORE than it was suppose to be. I double checked with the company and it is totally legit. It's OURS. They also confirmed that the other checks we are expecting will also be more than originally thought. Now, I can't guess how much extra they will have but it could be at least another $1000.

So let me run this down for you:

*Several friends have come forward donating money. And let me just say some of these friends are not even friends that I actually "talk" to. Some of these friends are friends of the past (thank you Janna and Mika!), some are internet friends (thank you Bethy and Tara), some are complete strangers (thank you guys too!).

*Random money coming in that we didn't know existed.

*Then God using that random money and multiplying it.

It has literally been a M*I*R*A*C*L*E. People that foolishly believe that Jesus doesn't perform miracles anymore, could not be more wrong. I never in a million years thought that he would take 5 loaves and 2 fish and turn them into a multitude for me. But that is exactly what He has done.

I am so grateful. And I can thank you guys all day long, but we all know who provided it. His heart is truly for the orphan. He said he would provide hope to the fatherless and he would put them in families. He meant it.

Let me also say this - if you feel a tiny inclination in your heart to adopt, but you are afraid. Don't be. Step out of the boat and follow Him. He will open doors and provide in a way YOU never saw possible. He will bless your journey and he will provide.

Besides, how could you no to this face?

I'M A GENIUS

That's right. Don't be jealous. I decided today that I *had* to figure out a way to make good Chinese food at home. Our town really lacks a good Chinese place. Well, our town lacks a lot, but that's a whole 'nother post. Anyway, so in my quest for good Chinese, I decided that I was just going to have to do it myself. A few weeks ago, I mastered beef with broccoli, but we aren't big beef eaters, so that wasn't helping me much. Today however, I felt inspired. I was going to *try* to make sesame chicken. I am not going to lie, I was skeered.

I gathered all the ingredients and got to cooking. Through out the whole process I really felt like it was going to be a big, fat FAIL. Toward the end, when the chicken was getting done, it began to look like it was going to come together. So I made the sauce (from scratch, people), and tossed in the chicken. I made rice, and fixed the plates. Oh. My. Lord. I nailed it. I am not kidding, I was so excited. Even Brad, Mister I only eat P.F. Changs, said it was really good.

I am not going to say it was as good as Pei Wei, but it was darn close. Throw in the fact that I live an hour and half from Pei Wei, and it was an awesome substitute. It was so good, in fact, that when I am in a town with a Pei Wei, I wont necessarily seek it out anymore. I can get my fix at home! YAY!

Now if I could just recreate a Taco Cabana experience, I would never leave my house.

FUN TIMES

This weekend the kids and I met up with some friends in Raleigh. I haven't seen most of them in well over a year. It was nice to see their kids, meet their new babies and just visit with them!

We got there early afternoon on Friday and we just got home not long ago. I have never had such an action packed 48 hours. We took the kids to the children's museum, an outdoor showing of King Fu Panda, the mall, countless restaurants, and a couple of different houses. I have never been so exhausted in all my life. The kids seemed completely unaffected by the constant stream of activities. They had a blast!

I had a disturbing realization while I was gone though - I have turned into my father. While I had a great time, and am so glad we went, I was so excited to see my couch this afternoon. I promptly came in, sat down, and I haven't moved since. I love my couch like I love my children. Seriously.

Anyway, it was nice to visit and be with friends. I am happy to be home though. I love home. I haven't always been able to say that, and it feels good.

He Keeps Providing!!!

What a whirlwind couple of days! I have prayed so hard for God to provide our homestudy fees - $2000. I have literally been on my face before Him praying for provision.

Today, He answered that prayer. He provided more than I could have ever imagined.

I am so very humbled and grateful. I knew he would provide, that was never a question for me. However, it still took me by surprise. Also, by him providing in such a huge way, it just confirms in my heart that we are doing His will. We are on the exact path he wants us on. He is leading us to our sweet little girl.

Today it felt more real to me than it ever has. The only way I can describe it is like this - when I found out I was pregnant, I knew in my head I was having a baby. But, it wasn't until that first ultrasound when I saw my little peanut, that I knew in my heart. That is what happened for me today - I have known we are adopting for a while, but today I felt it in my heart.

Obviously, we have a long way to go (finanically, emotionally, etc...) but for now, I am resting for a bit.

ACK! We are getting a little girl! YAY!

PRAISE JESUS!

YAY! Jesus provided today! I am so excited! We received a surprise $965! It was literally an absolute miracle. Completely and utterly unexpected. I am in awe! Though, I guess when you pray for something, you shouldn't be surprised when He answers, huh?

So we are half way there in our homestudy fees! We only need another $1000 to get it scheduled! I am so grateful!

If any of you know a quick way to raise $1000 and would like to share, I'd be so grateful! Once we get our homestudy done, we can start applying for grants to help with the rest of the fees. So I am anxious to move forward! Plus! Each step is one step closer to my sweet Jessica!