Mad Pumpkin Carving Skills.

I didn't know that I rock when it comes to carving pumpkins. But I do. I totally rock. So I was thinking over the past 29 years, and I honestly don't think I have ever carved a pumpkin. Ever. I had no idea what to expect. We got our pumpkins and I told Thing One and Thing Two that we would carve them tonight. I bought these little kits to use. Thing One chose Star Wars and Thing Two chose princesses (such creatures of habit they are). So we got started, right after we made our own candy apples (yeah, I am a domestic goddess, I know). I created carved pumpkin perfection. I present you with exhibit A:


See? I told you I rock. Anyone want to contract me out to carve their pumpkins?

Napping

I never take naps. I would like to, but I feel like when the tots are napping I should use my "free" time wisely. Plus a 45 minute nap just pisses off. I need 2 hours. However yesterday, I *had* to nap. I was working on web design for the business my MIL is starting and I just couldn't hold my eyes open any longer. It was quiet in my house, I was sitting on the couch and the nap was calling my name. So I got all comfy and was out cold in I don't know, 2 seconds? Well, then I got cold. You know how it is when you are asleep on the sofa and you get chilly and you just can NOT get up to get a blanket. I mean it is physically impossible to get up. So I covered up with the pillows on the couch. And you know what? It worked. It felt so very good. As a matter of fact, it was about this same time yesterday. And I am in the same place, doing the same thing. Hm... I think I am going to go get a blanket now. While the pillows worked fine in a pinch, I would rather have a blanket. My eye lids are getting heavy again. I see a new trend in the works!

Mourning and the Foreign List

We are officially not on vacation anymore and I am mourning like my childhood pet died. I hate, absolutely loathe, when our Orlando trips come to an end. I just love it there. I love it so much I want to marry it. Marry it and have little Orlando’s.
For your information, I have compiled a new list of theme park don’ts. I’ll call this one, the foreign version. While it is not a holiday for Americans, apparently the rest of the free world IS on vacation and they are all in Orlando. So here goes, The Foreign List of Don’ts:

1. Teeth. Need I say more?

2. I said this in the previous list, but it needs repeating. For the love of all that is holy, cover up. Wear clothes people. Clearly, this is a universal problem. It isn’t just Americans that feel that they can show off their lovely lady humps, it is everyone. I saw more skin this week than I ever care too. And it wasn’t pretty.

3. Just because you are outside, it does not mean that your cigarette smoke isn’t giving me lung cancer. There are designated areas for your kind. Go there.

4. Wash. Rinse, repeat.

5. Speedos. Oh I curse the day speedos were ever invented. If you must wear speedos, wear them under shorts or a proper bathing suit. I don’t want to see the lovely lady humps, NOR do I want to see the lovely manly humps. Ew. Just ew. And little boy speedos? Jeez, wrong on so many levels.

6. Strapless shirts are not proper theme park attire. I saw strapless shirts on women of all ages, from the teens to the 70’s. Guess what you don’t want to see? A 70year old woman with a strapless shirt, no bra. Unfortunately, no one asked me what I wanted, therefore I had to endure it. Over and over.

Again, I could go on and on, but it is late, and I want to end my trip thinking good thoughts of my beloved Orlando. Oh how I love it so.

To go or not to go?

Most of you know that I am in Orlando on vacation. We are having a blast. Well, Universal Studios has this Halloween thing called Halloween Horror Nights and I think I want to go. It looks pretty intense and honestly, I am skeered. I was feeling pretty balls-y until I got down here and started seeing the commercials. This years theme is Bloody Mary. The commercial on tv is a girl getting dressed at a vanity - she looks zombie-ish and she is putting blood on her lips. In her mirror is a normal looking guy looking into his mirror saying, "Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary" when all of a sudden zombie girl breaks through his mirror screaming.

Why would I even entertain the thought of going to this? I am a scaredy cat for real. Have I lost my mind? My sister in law is coming down here for a few days and she actually agreed to go with me. Are we crazy? It looks so scarey! The entire Universal Studios theme park is transformed into multiple haunted houses and scare zones. Imagine a movie studio setting up a haunted house - how real it might seem. Now think of that times 6. Thats how many haunted houses they will have. Not to mention how scarey the scare zones will be.

I think I will end up wimping out. If only I could talk my man into going, so he could protect me (hahahahahaha). If you want to check it out, here ya go. Tell me what you think... http://www.halloweenhorrornights.com/orlando/index.html?ref

A delicious little boy!

Look at this picture. Just stare at it for a moment. How flippin cute is he? I mean really. They don't get much cuter than this. I could just eat this little guy with a spoon. All he needs is a halo, little wings and a little harp - don't you think?

I am a horrible mother.

Jackson has been growing his hair out for a little while now. It really has gotten pretty long. His bangs were about to his lip, but not quite long enough to tuck behind his ears. Well, I have been trying to teach him how to take care of it, and it has NOT gone well. All I wanted was for him to comb it, just comb it. He whined that he couldn't do it every time I reminded him . Well, today I had enough. It looked terrible, so I cut it. It actually looks really nice now. I did an awesome job (especially considering I went to nursing school, not cosmetology school). When I was finished he went in the bathroom to check it out. This would be when it, and you know what I mean by it, hit the fan. He *freaked* out. He was crying and carrying on like I scalped him. He didn't it want it that short, he wanted it long. He hollars, "I can't take it!", like I was torturing him somehow. He even told me he was going to pray to Jesus to help him. I sure hope he isn't expecting Jesus to replace it by morning. Anyway, it was quite dramatic here for a while. Remember that old show, Sanford and Son? He had one of those moments, "ELIZABETH, I am coming to join you ELIZABETH!" all while clutching his chest. Picture it, will ya? Anyway, he eventually calmed down. He said he wasn't mad at me (thank GOODNESS!). I gotta tell ya, if I had of known that was how he was going to act, I would have let him grow it to his toes before I cut it. Here is the before:


And here is the horrible, help me Jesus, haircut:


Oh, how I mistreat him. Please don't call Child Protective Services! I promise to never cut is hair again!

Out of the mouths of babes.

So my not even 18 month old said "Holla" today. Ok, that makes me laugh out loud just typing it. Holla. He can't say daddy, but he can bust out, HOLLA! Oh lord, that is funny. My little girl says it too. I overheard her tell Jackson today, "I have more paint that you, HOLLA!" What have I done to them? Clearly it is my fault.

The other day Julianna and I were going somewhere and she told me to shut the freakin door. I gasped! Apparently they hear everything. I guess it is time for me to watch what I say. It is terrible that my three year old has a potty mouth already. She has never said an actual curse word, so that is good, I suppose. Although, at this rate, it wont be long. If she keeps it up, I am going to have to wash her mouth out with soap. Guess how many times I heard that as a kid? Lots, I tell you, lots. I don't think my mom actually ever followed through. Though it seems she should have. Holla!