Saturday, October 4, 2008

Mourning and the Foreign List

We are officially not on vacation anymore and I am mourning like my childhood pet died. I hate, absolutely loathe, when our Orlando trips come to an end. I just love it there. I love it so much I want to marry it. Marry it and have little Orlando’s.
For your information, I have compiled a new list of theme park don’ts. I’ll call this one, the foreign version. While it is not a holiday for Americans, apparently the rest of the free world IS on vacation and they are all in Orlando. So here goes, The Foreign List of Don’ts:

1. Teeth. Need I say more?

2. I said this in the previous list, but it needs repeating. For the love of all that is holy, cover up. Wear clothes people. Clearly, this is a universal problem. It isn’t just Americans that feel that they can show off their lovely lady humps, it is everyone. I saw more skin this week than I ever care too. And it wasn’t pretty.

3. Just because you are outside, it does not mean that your cigarette smoke isn’t giving me lung cancer. There are designated areas for your kind. Go there.

4. Wash. Rinse, repeat.

5. Speedos. Oh I curse the day speedos were ever invented. If you must wear speedos, wear them under shorts or a proper bathing suit. I don’t want to see the lovely lady humps, NOR do I want to see the lovely manly humps. Ew. Just ew. And little boy speedos? Jeez, wrong on so many levels.

6. Strapless shirts are not proper theme park attire. I saw strapless shirts on women of all ages, from the teens to the 70’s. Guess what you don’t want to see? A 70year old woman with a strapless shirt, no bra. Unfortunately, no one asked me what I wanted, therefore I had to endure it. Over and over.

Again, I could go on and on, but it is late, and I want to end my trip thinking good thoughts of my beloved Orlando. Oh how I love it so.


Anonymous said...

You're too funny.

I'm glad you guys had a great trip!

Email me about the Haunted houses!!I'm dying to know!!


Blondie said...

Ditto, ditto, and ditto...

Amen, amen, and amen...

I completely understand the Orlando letdown, and I don't go as often as y'all do!

We are hoping to go in January or so, whenever they have the next homeschool days. Do you know when you are going again?

email me - addy hasn't changed - myfirst and last name (2 ns in the first name) and we have roadrunner. I think you can figure it out!