The more this sinks in, the more I realize just how special it was. I'll share from the beginning...
Brad and I got into a discussion last night about our adoption journey. I know this road has been way more difficult for me that it's been for him. I am much more emotionally attached to the process than he is. It is my every thought, it seems. My heart longs for our baby to be home. I long to be in China. Brad, on the other hand, is more like "let me know when we get a referral and when travel is imminent". Otherwise, he doesn't think about it, breath it, like I do.
I know that, and I get it. He was very much like that with each of my pregnancies, too. He went with me to my appointments, because I think he was scared not to. LOL. Really though, he wasn't the dad that wanted to go to Babies R Us with me to register, or to sit on the couch with his hand on my belly. So his lack of "involvement" in the adoption, especially the ever so stalled adoption that it is, is not surprising to me. Normally it doesn't even bother me. But, last night it did.
I was already feeling emotional and doubtful. After our conversation, I was reeling. What in the world are we doing? Am I wrong? What if the adoption is "stalled" because it just isn't God's will for us? All these questions ran through my mind. I was heartsick.
So I went to bed praying. Just desperate before Jesus saying, what in world are we suppose to do? Before I went to sleep, I thought I would do my daily devotion on my phone. I have the Bible app and it has a daily Rick Warren devotion. It is really neat. At the end of the devotion, there is a bible passage that goes along with it. When you click on the suggested bible reading, a new screen pops up that takes you straight to that passage. Once you read it, you click on the little devotion icon and it takes you back to the previous page. It will check off the bible verses showing you completed your reading for that day.
So I decided to read my devotion and then go to sleep. The main point was patience and persistence. When I got to the bottom, it suggested that I read Genesis 24:21. So I clicked on it and started reading. I immediately noticed that it included a lot of verses (instead of just the one), but I kept reading. The more I read, the more I thought, "Hey, this is long!", but I kept reading. Here are the main points of the passage:
*Consider trials pure joy.
*If you seek wisdom, ask God. He will tell you (hello! Like right now!).
*God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation.
*Don't just listen to God's word, DO IT!
*Do not hear His word and not obey it.
And I not sure why it took me so long to realize I wasn't reading Genesis, but rather James. It wasn't until the very last verse that it hit me.
**James 1:27 Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for the orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.
As soon as I read that I realized that God, Himself, was speaking to me. You have to understand, my phone can be glitchy sometimes, like it will freeze periodically. I can tell you that my phone has never, ever pulled up a random bible passage. This app was written to pull up the passage it is assigned to pull up. It doesn't just pick some random other bible passage to share.
Was it a coincidence that my prayer minutes before reading this, was asking God what we should do? Are we on the right path? If we are, why is it so stinkin hard? Then my phone randomly pulls up James 1? Seriously, if it was a "glitch" - of all the passages in the bible, it pulls up the one that tells me to care for orphans? To consider my trials joy? To obey what He tells me? And that if I ask Him for wisdom, He will give it to me? For sure NOT a glitch!!
Thank you Father for speaking to me, even when I come to you with doubts and fears. Thank you for working on my behalf, even when I don't deserve it (which is always)! Thank you for loving us enough to give us the blessing of another child. Thank you for keeping your promise to Willa by placing her in a family.
In your time, Sweet Jesus, you will show yourself glorious! You will move mighty mountains on our behalf. I trust You. I trust Your timing. Until that time, I will rest in Your light and love. I can't wait to see what You are going to do!