This past weekend, I packed up my little family, and headed to SC to visit my parents. We stopped in Rock Hill to meet up with my sweet baby sister for ice cream. It was close to 4 pm when we got back on the road. As I was leaving, I notice I have several missed calls and text messages. They were all from Brad, except one. One with an 703 area code.
I immediately knew it was my agency, but for some reason, instead of listening to my messages first, I called Brad. He said, "Michele! Where have you been? Melissa called with a referral!!!" I was in shock! So I immediate hung up and called Melissa.
Sure enough, there was a referral for us to review. I was cautiously optimistic, but scared out of my mind. She told me all about the little girl and everything sounded ok. So she forwarded me her file. Now keep in mind that I sit home, day in and day out. Never going anywhere except to church. I have been waiting on this call for months. Well, actually years. And when does it come? At 4 pm on a Friday afternoon when I am driving 80 miles an hour down the interstate. Another doozy, my mom does not have internet access. So I had to rely on my phone all weekend to review the file, email doctors, stalk the net looking for any information I could find.
I tried to be social, considering I was suppose to be visiting my family, but all I could think about was this little girl. Her face was like a little angel's. So precious. Her needs scared me - they weren't something that we really felt comfortable with, but we kept hope in our hearts. We desperately wanted to hear good news when we spoke to the doctors.
Unfortunately, there was no good news. I think I knew in my heart that her needs were not going to be as cut and dry as I hoped. Deep down, I knew the doctor wasn't going to have anything positive to report. There were just too many red flags.
Turns out, our gut feelings were right. Her condition was not good. In any aspect. We had to decline the referral. I have cried off and on since. I guess, it just seemed so familiar. The heart ache, the guilt, the timing. The only difference this time was that I wasn't in China, alone.
We prayed and prayed and prayed. We just never could find that peace we needed to go forward. Then the doctors confirmed our fears, we knew that we just were not equipped to handle all of her needs.
It crushed me.
You want to hear how sweet my Heavenly Father is though? He knew our hearts were breaking. He knew that we worried that we just couldn't handle the emotional roller coaster of this journey. He knew we needed encouragement to keep fighting.
On Sunday morning, our church treasurer came up to Brad and said, "Merry Christmas in July" and handed him an envelope. In it was $1000. Can you believe it? Someone anonymously gave us this money. On the very same day that we felt like we were dying inside.
It was like Jesus was saying, "I am still working. I know it's hard! Keep fighting! You're almost there!"
Such a difficult weekend, yet it ended with His redeeming love and provision. You think His heart isn't for the orphan? You better believe it is!!
My baby is still waiting. When it is His time, we will find her. Until then, I will rest in His unfailing love! And I will be on my knees for the ones that have no mommy and daddy tonight.