DISCOURAGED

With last week being so great, I guess I should have expected Satan to hit hard this week. Well, he didn't disappoint. This week has been hard. As hard as it's been, you would think that I would be running to the arms of my Savior, but I haven't. It's hard to explain - its like I have this inner conflict that desperately needs prayer, yet I am struggling with it all.

It started when I found out that the CCAA implemented new post placement requirements (have I blogged about that already?). The old requirements were 3 post placement reports - one self report at 1 month, one social worker report at 6 months and one social worker report at 12 months. The new requirements are 6 post placement reports all done by the social worker at 1 month, 6 months, 12 months, 2 years, 3 years, and 5 years.  I understand the point in these visits, don't get me wrong, it is just a lot of extra meetings. I can probably speak for the adoptive community when I say once you get your child home, you want to be done with agencies, social workers, paper work and FEES. The thought of dragging all of this out for FIVE years is daunting.

Then I get the email with the new required fees of all those visits. Keep in mind that we have already paid $1700 for the three we were originally told about. Well, the new fees due in addition to the $1700 are $3800! Thirty Eight Hundred Dollars more. When I got the email, I was sick! What in the world? How are we suppose to come up with that, when we are already so short? I am still unsure how that whole thing will pan out.

Then, as if that wasn't enough, my mom calls me today. She tells me that she ran into one of my husband's family members. She chatted with him for a bit, and he brings up our adoption. He actually said to her, "Well, we just need to pray that it never happens." He went on to say that "the children from China will bring diseases and such into our country." He said that you never know what that child is carrying, and they just need to pray it never happens for us. My mom said she was in shock! Her reply to him was that she was not going to pray that, she was going to pray for Jesus' will for our lives and if His will includes a little Chinese girl, then so be it.  I still can't wrap my mind around that. How hurtful!

I let things like that upset me. It hurts my feelings. Honestly, it breaks my heart. How could someone not want a little one to have a family? And they bring diseases into our country? What? Anyway, I called Brad immediately and he helped me feel better. He reminded me that we have never let those kind of comments affect us before, why now? He also said that she is our daughter and what they think doesn't matter in any way. Still it bothers me.

Then on top of all of that... I am really feeling defeated with the whole matching thing. I never expected a match right away, but I guess I hoped it would be quicker. I guess I thought since we have had such a rough time, we would have a high priority on the list of waiting families. I am realizing we got back in line just like everyone else. Who knows when we will get a match. It could be next week, it could be 2 years from now. It is anybody's guess.

Let me summarize this post for you:

*We will have to be involved with our agency for FIVE years after Willa comes home.
*We are no longer short $16000, we are short almost $21000.
*People suck.
*We may never get a referral.

How's that for a pity party tonight? I think I nailed it.