For a long time now, I have let fear and discontentment rule my life. I have always been a "the grass is greener on the other side" kind of person. In the times when I wasn't dwelling on my discontentment, I was dwelling on fear.
My heart has been so burdened lately thinking about our adoption and how it plays a role in my contentment. What happens once Willa gets home? How long will I be content then? Will I then just let fear control me?
My bible study on Wednesday was about restoration and joy. Not just joy, but true joy in Jesus. It was about finding Him in the midst of trials and sometimes He ordains the trials so when restoration comes, His glory will shine through. When I got done with the study, I just had this huge smile on my face. I got it. I really got it! When Brad came home, I told him all about it. He said to me, "Michele, I think you finally found true contentment." I just looked at him, and it was like a light bulb went off in my head. He was right! For the first time in my life, I found true contentment. It was not in a material thing. It was not in a finalized adoption.
It is in my SAVIOR!
For the first time, my heart was in line with my head. I mean I knew that true joy is found in Jesus, but I really, really felt it on Wednesday. I could literally feel the release of my fears. I knew in that instance if nothing ever worked out the way I hoped, it wouldn't matter.
I knew in that moment that if my worst fears came true, I would be able to get through them because of Him. His strength and His love. Eternity with my Savior. That is ultimately all that matters. Sure, there are hard times here on Earth, but soon, I will be with my Father in Heaven. It makes everything here pale in comparison.
I long for the day when that trumpet sounds and we meet Him in the sky! I long for the day when I am worshiping Him face to face. I am content! I am joyful! I am free from fear! I have an eternity secure with my Creator! Brad asked a really good question -For eternity, if you could have Jesus but no heaven, would that be ok? What about being in Heaven with no Jesus, would you still want to go? Can you honestly say He is enough? ABSOLUTELY!
It makes me think of the chorus of a Casting Crowns song:
Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified, freely forever
One day He's coming
OH GLORIOUS DAY!
He is my portion. He is my inheritance. He is all I need!