Thursday, April 7, 2011

DISCOURAGED

With last week being so great, I guess I should have expected Satan to hit hard this week. Well, he didn't disappoint. This week has been hard. As hard as it's been, you would think that I would be running to the arms of my Savior, but I haven't. It's hard to explain - its like I have this inner conflict that desperately needs prayer, yet I am struggling with it all.

It started when I found out that the CCAA implemented new post placement requirements (have I blogged about that already?). The old requirements were 3 post placement reports - one self report at 1 month, one social worker report at 6 months and one social worker report at 12 months. The new requirements are 6 post placement reports all done by the social worker at 1 month, 6 months, 12 months, 2 years, 3 years, and 5 years.  I understand the point in these visits, don't get me wrong, it is just a lot of extra meetings. I can probably speak for the adoptive community when I say once you get your child home, you want to be done with agencies, social workers, paper work and FEES. The thought of dragging all of this out for FIVE years is daunting.

Then I get the email with the new required fees of all those visits. Keep in mind that we have already paid $1700 for the three we were originally told about. Well, the new fees due in addition to the $1700 are $3800! Thirty Eight Hundred Dollars more. When I got the email, I was sick! What in the world? How are we suppose to come up with that, when we are already so short? I am still unsure how that whole thing will pan out.

Then, as if that wasn't enough, my mom calls me today. She tells me that she ran into one of my husband's family members. She chatted with him for a bit, and he brings up our adoption. He actually said to her, "Well, we just need to pray that it never happens." He went on to say that "the children from China will bring diseases and such into our country." He said that you never know what that child is carrying, and they just need to pray it never happens for us. My mom said she was in shock! Her reply to him was that she was not going to pray that, she was going to pray for Jesus' will for our lives and if His will includes a little Chinese girl, then so be it.  I still can't wrap my mind around that. How hurtful!

I let things like that upset me. It hurts my feelings. Honestly, it breaks my heart. How could someone not want a little one to have a family? And they bring diseases into our country? What? Anyway, I called Brad immediately and he helped me feel better. He reminded me that we have never let those kind of comments affect us before, why now? He also said that she is our daughter and what they think doesn't matter in any way. Still it bothers me.

Then on top of all of that... I am really feeling defeated with the whole matching thing. I never expected a match right away, but I guess I hoped it would be quicker. I guess I thought since we have had such a rough time, we would have a high priority on the list of waiting families. I am realizing we got back in line just like everyone else. Who knows when we will get a match. It could be next week, it could be 2 years from now. It is anybody's guess.

Let me summarize this post for you:

*We will have to be involved with our agency for FIVE years after Willa comes home.
*We are no longer short $16000, we are short almost $21000.
*People suck.
*We may never get a referral.

How's that for a pity party tonight? I think I nailed it.

12 comments:

Melody Lietzau said...

Don't let the enemy win. Adoption is full of uncertainties and ups and downs. It is through these times that the Lord does his best work in us. It's not fun going through it but the outcome is so worth it. Keep continuing to press on and not miss out on the wonderful ways the Lord is going to work through this adoption and remember the ways he already has. He already sees the big picture and has your daughter already picked out for you. People will say ignorant comments all the time feel bad for them that there eyes are not open to experience God's unfailing love. Hang in there. Lifting you up in prayer.

Tara said...

Oh, Michele. I'm sorry this week has been such a drag. Try to relax this weekend and do something fun with the family. I know it's so hard, but know that God is in control and if this is His will for your family, it will happen.
Hang in there! I'm always here for you.

Valerie and Jeff said...

I know, I've been discouraged lately too and I just gasped when I read the new pp requirements! THREE and FIVE YEARS later?! Are they going to take your son/daughter from you at those points if they don't think it's going well? Oh my goodness! And the fees?! ACK. However ... many things can change over the course of that time. It may be dropped in time. I pray! And I'm so sorry about the hurtful comments. I have heard a lot of similar things lately being reported from people wondering why someone would EVER adopt to what you heard ... it is just beyond me and is totally Satan driven is all I can think! How would anyone actually say those things?! Stay the course as you pray and trust in God for HIS will. Through you perhaps these narrow minded people will have their eyes opened to so much more. The biggest thing is that you lean on and follow God!
Hugs,
Valerie

Valerie and Jeff said...

I literally left your blog and checked out BabyBeBlessed dolls and saw THIS verse and thought back to you:

"But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient, For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day."-- Habakkuk 2:3

I'm not sure of the translation from which it comes, but I know I'll be driven to read the rest of the words around it. Driven to God and His Word--what a great thing!

Ashley said...

Don't be discouraged my friend!!

Can't do much about the change in policy, so don't worry about that. It stinks, but it is what it is. You will have to spend 1 hour with a social worker 5 times and send lots of wonderful pictures to the CCCWA (or whatever it is called now). You can do it!

You will have the funds. The Lord will take care of you guys. Don't limit him.

I agree. People do suck. Or at least people who are missing a filter suck.

You will get a referral. She will be PERFECT. (and you better call when it comes in)

I'm praying for you!

Michelle said...

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time right now,Just keep your eyes on him and he will do the rest. I hope you have a great weekend..

Cheri said...

Oh, Michelle..I know the frustrations. It is truly just a blip on the screen of your life. All things will fall into place when you let the Lord lead your life. Isn't there some way that you can choose a different sw to do your PP reports? Our pp reports only cost $100 each. That fee is a ridiculous amount considering what they are doing for you. And, you do need to make sure you send them. You never know if God would want you to adopt another child down the road. You never know...Also, your agency will get bad marks with the CCAA if you don't turn the reports in, which in turn can affect many families and children in the process.

Ahh, those lovely comments from loving family members. Just remember that they are ignorant when it comes to these children and adoption. I know because I was once there, never wanting to adopt a child. He just doesn't know any better. Don't let it get you down. You've been through enough and are going through enough. You don't need more. I pray your referral is soon.

Stephanie said...

Oh, yuck! Plenty there to be discouraged about. Plenty. And it all hit at once.

((Big hug!))

It totally sucks right now. At this very moment. But, God is still working through the suckiness. (Is that a word?) He is. The suckiness doesn't limit Him one little bit.

Your daughter IS out there and she IS coming home and He WILL carry you through the deepest, darkest suckiness that there is.

Tara Anderson said...

Oh Michele, I just wish I could hug you. I know this is all SO hard to deal with...but God IS bigger. Love you!

julie said...

Hi Michelle,
I feel your pain! The extra post visits being required are absurd!!...not to mention all the extra fees.
I understand the feeling of not getting matched with a child. We started this process (Jan. 2010) with the hopes of adopting a healthy older child (5-8 yrs). We realized pretty quickly that was unlikely to happen. We decided to accept a few special needs and also accept an older child. I finally found our daughter on a waiting child list..she is 9 years old with a couple minor special needs. I feel like we were mislead ALOT along the way! It seems as though a healthy child is almost impossible to get. I feel we should have been told that upfront and then we wouldn't have wasted almost a year waiting!
I hope everything goes well for you. And I'm so sorry about that relatives comments...we have had some pretty nasty comments, too!

Jennifer O'Cain said...

I met your blog a few months ago somehow. I recognized something that told me you and I are from the same general area and have been following you ever since.
I know too just how it feels to be discouraged and truthfully I am sorry that you and so many other adoptive families go through so much to adopt. But today we were singing a song in church and the words to Mighty to Save (Savior, you can move a mountain, you are mighty to save, mighty to save) really spoke to me and for some reason in the middle of church I thought of you, someone who is actually a total stranger to me but yet you aren't.
So, I believe that I am meant to just give you a word of encouragement and to remind you (not that you don't know but...)
Our Savior, He can move a mountain and he will move yours! Before we adopted our daughter we recieved unwelcome responses from family about our adoption of a different race child, they are now her number one fans! Continue to be faithful and God will take care of you.
I am praying for you.

Katy Brown said...

Satan wants you to get down. Our fight is not against flesh and blood but against the powers of the darkness (Eph. 6). Don't take your eyes off of Jesus, when I do, I see how bad the world really is (and the people in it... remember, they don't know Jesus so Satan uses them for His purposes) God has a plan, you know that... and it is always good. I'll keep praying that you'll have the patience to endure and He will bring everything about... soon! Love you!