I'M STILL HERE

I was hopeful as time went on, I would feel better each day. I would be creating distance between me and our trip to China, our adoption. Because of that distance, I would begin to feel more "normal". Unfortunately, that isn't the case at all.

Instead, I feel more and more sad. It is the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about as I close my eyes at night. This last month and a half has been the hardest of my life. It really started before I left for China. With the hospitalization of Xiao before we left until now. I am so ready for peace. 

I know where to look for that Peace, yet somehow I feel like I can't. I desperately want to know His direction and plan for us, but at the same time, I can't seem to do what I need to do. 

I don't know, I am sure this post makes no sense. Honestly, my thoughts do not make sense. I am just back and forth. 

I wanted to tell everyone whose blog I visit, I probably wont be visiting for a while. I need to step away for a while from all things adoption related. I am torturing myself reading blogs, following other's journeys to their children, etc... So I am going to try to eliminate that stuff from my life for a while. I am hoping it will help. Please don't be offended if I don't stop by and leave a comment. Hopefully, I will be able to visit again soon.

Hopefully, soon, I will begin to feel normal. Hopefully, soon, I will have some clarity.