Friday, August 20, 2010

I'M STILL HERE

I was hopeful as time went on, I would feel better each day. I would be creating distance between me and our trip to China, our adoption. Because of that distance, I would begin to feel more "normal". Unfortunately, that isn't the case at all.

Instead, I feel more and more sad. It is the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about as I close my eyes at night. This last month and a half has been the hardest of my life. It really started before I left for China. With the hospitalization of Xiao before we left until now. I am so ready for peace. 

I know where to look for that Peace, yet somehow I feel like I can't. I desperately want to know His direction and plan for us, but at the same time, I can't seem to do what I need to do. 

I don't know, I am sure this post makes no sense. Honestly, my thoughts do not make sense. I am just back and forth. 

I wanted to tell everyone whose blog I visit, I probably wont be visiting for a while. I need to step away for a while from all things adoption related. I am torturing myself reading blogs, following other's journeys to their children, etc... So I am going to try to eliminate that stuff from my life for a while. I am hoping it will help. Please don't be offended if I don't stop by and leave a comment. Hopefully, I will be able to visit again soon.

Hopefully, soon, I will begin to feel normal. Hopefully, soon, I will have some clarity. 




6 comments:

The Milfords said...

I've been praying for you sweet girl and I totally understand your decision to be rid of all adoption related things. Know that I will keep praying for you, for peace, clarity and courage to be obedient to whatever it is the Lord tells you. I'm here if you need me.

Tara. said...

Hang in there. I can only imagine how tough this must be. You are strong and you will make it though this. You have lots of people to support you. I'm sad for you and confused with you. It's a difficult situation to say the least. One day at a time for now...

Janet and Kevin said...

Praying for peace for you.

In Christ,
janet and gang

Tara Anderson said...

Michele, it makes perfect sense that you need to step away from all things adoption related and just grieve. I know I've said it before, but I absouletly CANNOT imagine going through what you're going through right now. Just know that I am praying for you, sweet friend!

from all of us with love said...

praying for you on this journey.

Marie94 said...

Praying for you! Hoping for you to find peace.
Robyn