Monday, December 27, 2010


I made the mistake of reading through the old posts on my blog. I read the one from July 22nd, when we were at the airport waiting to start our adventure. I feel like I have been punched in the stomach. Seriously, I feel sick. Just seeing our faces - the excitement, the anticipation... it's too much. I am trying so hard to look to the future, but right now, I can't step out of the past. My heart aches for Willa, for China, for an end to this heart wrenching journey.

I am so sorry that I am always so depressing! I promise that I don't mean to be. It is just therapeutic to vent here. One day, hopefully, one day soon, things will turn around. Jesus will turn my sorrow into joy. I so look forward to that day.

Oh a lighter note - thank you to Donna and Melena for the generous donations! Seriously, thank you guys from the very bottom of my heart. You will never know how much your gift means to me.


Cheri said...

It's your blog and you can say how you feel whenever. I, too, had those same feelings. I felt so ashamed looking back at the faces of our innocence. But, we did not know. We did not know what we were going to face. God does heal our sorrow. We have to seek after it, though, as it does not come easy. I knew that I had to move on. There was a purpose in that time of our lives and it is in our past. God will show us the reasons. He did for me.

Tara Anderson said...

Michele, it's okay...really okay...for you to feel these things and to vent them on your blog. It gives us a chance to love on you, support you, and pray for you. God's path to Willa may have involved more pain than you would have liked, but His path is still glorious. Rejoice in that, but grieve as you need to.

I love you.

Stephanie said...

You are not depressing. I love your honesty and can relate to those feelings of looking at past posts and feeling that UGH of what all happened. It was unexpected. It was huge. It makes sense that it still brings a big reaction. Give yourself some grace. God is healing your heart. :) Hugs!

TanyaLea said...

Oh Michele ~ it's okay to grieve and to hurt for the pain you have been through. Your journey has not been an easy one, I know. I'm still unsure of what took place during your first travels. We were still getting settled with Khloe being home just over a month at that time, and I was pretty out of touch with the blog world. It pains me to know I missed praying you through such a tuff ordeal. But know that even though I am lost with the details of what took place, I know that others DO know and that God knows. He is your Healer and Deliverer in times of need and trouble, and I fully trust He will see you through. I look forward to the day that you are rejoicing with your Willa in your arms. Never feel ashamed or bad for your feelings. Your candidness is much appreciated, and gives us a chance to lift you up before the Father. Hang in there, friend...and know you are loved.


Ashley said...

I'm still praying for ya sweet girl!