Or not, as it were. I was watching a program on TV tonight about a girl (well, a 25 year old woman) trying to buy her first place. She had her dad with her for support. It really got me thinking. Who am I kidding? I think about it all the time, but the show really made me think more about it at this moment in time.
Daddy's little girl. That phrase literally makes me feel kind of sick. You see, I have never been daddy's little girl. Maybe I was way back when, like when I was little, little. But honestly, my fondest memories of my dad seem to stop around the age of five. After that, he was there, but never really there.
I can't explain why or how. I simply can not wrap my mind around the way it's been. I can't imagine not longing to hear my child's voice. Clearly, he doesn't have that longing, because I can't remember the last time I spoke to him.
For a while, it seemed he at least attempted to keep contact, but as the years have gone on, not so much.
You know what? It devastates me. Really and truly breaks my heart. I see people that have such a close relationship with their dad's, and it makes me feel so empty. My father in law is honestly the best dad I have ever met. If his kids (you know what? Including me.) need him in anyway, he makes them a priority. He calls frequently. He helps in any way possible. And most importantly, he enjoys spending time with his kids.
I don't understand how I basically could disappear from my dad's life and it's ok. I do have to say my step mom has really stepped up and has been the dad to me that my dad can't be. She is awesome and I love her. Thankfully she has really tried to bridge the gap.
Sometimes, most of the time, all of the time, I just wish I was daddy's little girl.