Sunday, October 11, 2009


Or not, as it were. I was watching a program on TV tonight about a girl (well, a 25 year old woman) trying to buy her first place. She had her dad with her for support. It really got me thinking. Who am I kidding? I think about it all the time, but the show really made me think more about it at this moment in time.

Daddy's little girl. That phrase literally makes me feel kind of sick. You see, I have never been daddy's little girl. Maybe I was way back when, like when I was little, little. But honestly, my fondest memories of my dad seem to stop around the age of five. After that, he was there, but never really there.

I can't explain why or how. I simply can not wrap my mind around the way it's been. I can't imagine not longing to hear my child's voice. Clearly, he doesn't have that longing, because I can't remember the last time I spoke to him.

For a while, it seemed he at least attempted to keep contact, but as the years have gone on, not so much.

You know what? It devastates me. Really and truly breaks my heart. I see people that have such a close relationship with their dad's, and it makes me feel so empty. My father in law is honestly the best dad I have ever met. If his kids (you know what? Including me.) need him in anyway, he makes them a priority. He calls frequently. He helps in any way possible. And most importantly, he enjoys spending time with his kids.

I don't understand how I basically could disappear from my dad's life and it's ok. I do have to say my step mom has really stepped up and has been the dad to me that my dad can't be. She is awesome and I love her. Thankfully she has really tried to bridge the gap.

Sometimes, most of the time, all of the time, I just wish I was daddy's little girl.


Blondie said...

Oh, my. You are heartbreaking! So...your dad is remarried yet you have more contact with his spouse than with him. How was his relationship with his dad?

I ask because I never had a great relationship with my dad (for one, we are too much alike) until the last 10 or 15 years. His father was an abusive, raging alcoholic that used and manipulated all of his children. He had no idea how to be a father (to four kids) and passed along nothing father-worthy to my dad. Everything my dad knows about being a father, he learned from the Bible. For many years, I loved my dad but didn't like him. It's only been in the last 10-15 years that I started to like him.

I am really just wanting to knock some heads for you! I wish I could help more.

I am very impressed at Brad's dad.

Tara. said...

My Sweet Michele-
I'm so sorry that your Daddy isn't in your life more. I didn't know that we also had this in common. I wish we didn't.

My Father was never in my life. He and my Mom were very young and she gave him permission to not be around because the original plan was to give me up for adoption. When she changed her mind after I was born, he wasn't really interested. I tracked him down and met him when I was 23. We had lunch, he brought me a Christmas gift, some pictures of himself, shared about his life and promised we'd get to know each other and be friends. That was almost 9 years ago and I've never heard from him since.

But you know what? It's their loss, our Father's. You have so much to offer him and he's missing out on the sweetest grand babies. He's missing out on part of his life. I'm so glad that you have an amazing Father-in-Law. {{{hugs}}}

Chasity said...

Michelle, it saddens my heart to know what yout have missed out on. My dad is and always has been amazing...he is the most wonderful father a daughter could have. I couldn't imagine not being able to pick up the phone and know his sweet voice is on the other end. I pray peace for your heart as I know it must bring such pain to know he is there, but not really there. We all need our father's in our lives and what sadness when they do not realize how important they are to all of us. What a blessing that your husbands father is there for you and your family.