Thursday, May 21, 2009

DIVORCE

I have been thinking about divorce lately, and just how destructive it is. I have a friend (and I use that term very loosely) that is divorced. She has two small children, about Jackson and Julianna's age, that she and her ex husband share custody of. She is living the way probably half of America is living.

I just can't wrap my mind around this way of life. My "friend", Sara*, seems completely ok with not having her kids half the time. In fact, she seems to use her time away from them to "live it up". I have to be honest here, if I had to send my kids off for a weekend, or a week, or lord help me, a holiday? I would DIE. It isn't that I wouldn't trust them with Brad, I absolutely would. I would just miss so much. I would feel so empty. Then, eventually, Brad would meet someone new. That someone new would be around my kids all the time, stepping in as their mommy. Oh lord, it makes me cringe to even go there.

I understand that people get divorced all the time. I also understand that this kind of thing has been happening for a very long time. I, myself, am from a broken family. However, just because this seems to be America's norm, it doesn't make it right. We are so selfish and self-involved, that when we become unhappy with our spouses, it doesn't matter who we hurt when we leave them. As long as we are happy in the end, right?

Fortunately, I have an awesome marriage and an awesome husband. However, it did not start out that way. The first couple of years were torture. We were both miserable. But, we made a commitment to each other and to God Himself. For better or worse, and there was a lot of "worse" in the beginning. But now, it is all "better" and I am so glad we stuck it out.

If things were to turn ugly, I can tell you what I wouldn't do - I wouldn't leave my family. I have three little ones counting on me. Counting on me to be an example. Counting on me to teach them what is right. Counting on me to show them that when things don't go our way, we don't run. We stick it out, we honor our commitments. We fight for what we believe in. We rely on Jesus to help us through the hard times.

Remember the post on the Fruits of the spirit? I believe that with patience and love (and a lot of forgiveness), you can make a marriage work, no matter what.

*names changed

7 comments:

Blondie said...

Michele, what a thoughtful and well written post! I'm with you, 100 percent!

I have a neighbor that has decided to leave her family. She chose to pursue an MBA. She then chose to spend the year pursuing that MBA in both San Francisco and Denmark. In the interim, she discovered she liked the single life. Now, this family is devastated because she has chosen to leave them AND once she graduates in May, she is moving to Denmark!!! Her little boy is six. SIX. The husband and child are devastated. My heart (and the hearts of other neighbors) is breaking for this family but all I want to do is yank the mom by the hair and ask her what the he-- she's thinking! (Not very Christian, I know!)

When Jeff and I got married, it was with the thought that divorce is NOT an option. Period. Some may call that naive. No, I call that commitment. The Bible only has one acceptable reason for divorce and it is my prayer that that never is an issue! Sixteen years later, we are still of the same mindset as we were when we got married.

There are choices, people! There are always choices - it's just up to you to make the right choices!!!!!

I will now stop sermonizing...

I am going to link back to this post, too!

Haley said...

I too am from a "broken" home. When I married my husband and took the vows of marriage I knew that divorce would never be an option for us. With that said I would never stay in a marriage "for the children". My children are an absolute blessing but they were not in the equation when I made the decision to marry. I will stay in a marriage for myself and my spouse and do whatever it takes for us to provide a two parent home for our children because I never want to share or give up the family that my husband and I created together.

Anonymous said...

I too am from a broken home. Mike's parents have been married for 33 years, yet aren't happy, don't get along well and don't agree on "life". That said Mike and I both don't want there lives or the lives that my parents have.

Marriage, family, children, life, and happiness are everything to Mike and I. I got married at 20 and Mike as 23. We were young but now 10 years later (married for 7) we are just as happy as the day we got together. We have a "talk" usually once a month to make sure everything is happy, no changes and to make sure we are "good".

I am 100% blessed to have a awesome husband, great father, provider and a role model in our family.

I wouldn't trade it for anything!

Tonya

Amber said...

Michele, I come to your blog almost daily. For me it's "food for thought" I have always looked up to you as a inspiration for my walk w/ God.

For those of you that don't know me, I'm Amber. I have been divorced before. My first husband cheated on me while I was pregnant w/ our first child. I worked on our marriage for 2 years before I realized that it wasn't going to change. I was the only one working on the marriage. I left. That was by far the hardest decision I had ever made. I didn't want that for our son. I moved on and although it's hard not having my son on the weekends it is something I have learned to deal with.

I remarried 3 1/2yrs ago. I have been so happy and living the "dream" I have 2 stepkids and my son and then we have a child together. J is 2. Everything has been great...until this last week. I found out that he has been cheating on me too. WOW. Of course my first thought was to leave. I was ready to leave. BUT there is a lot more at stake now. So I am here fighting for our marriage.

Michele, your words stuck today. Torture. I have been there, I am there. But I have faith that this will work out.

So for all of you reading. Please keep me in your prayers.

Michele said...

Amber, I am speechless. I am so very sorry you are having to deal with this AGAIN. I will for sure pray for you. You and I serve a much bigger God than this. I applaud you for fighting. It will take more than you alone can give, you have to seek Jesus' face in all of this. You will not have the strength to forgive and heal without Him.

Have you seen the movie Fireproof? If not, I urge you to see it. Get A to watch it with you. There is Hope and there is healing. You know where to find that. I am here if you need to talk. Call me anytime. I will pm you my number. I will lift you and A up in prayer. I love you girl!

PS - Seriously, RUN to rent/buy Fireproof. I believe it will give you some insight.

the mommy. said...

Ditto the seeing Fireproof and doing The Love Dare. I'm so sorry, Amber. Your situation is for sure in my thoughts. I love you so much and I am so sorry you are going through this.
God is faithful and he is using these "valleys" to shape you. There will be pain and there will be tears, but God will never fail. I pray that you will be high and lifted up and that you feel his arms hugging your tightly around you and your family.

Anonymous said...

I was just thinking...you know "our parents" Michele are divorced because of MY mom and YOUR Dad...who couldn't be faithful.

I can recall as a child riding by your parents house and your mom/dad being in the front yard and your dad waving to my Mom when Debra wasn't looking.

How sad is that???

Tonya