Thursday, February 12, 2009

Can We Talk for a Minute?

About farts? I know, I know, a real mature topic, eh? Anyway, my family has always been a sharing kind of family, if you get my drift. No one held back (well except for my mom). And honestly, I am just a gassy person. I can't help it. Maybe I need to see a doctor, I don't know. So gassy girl meets Brad. The least gassy person on the planet. He has never, not even once, pooted in front of me in the 10 years we have been together. Because of that, I have never been comfortable sharing with him either. Its been a painful 10 years.

So I had a talk with Brad's sister not long ago about this very thing. Turns out, that was just the way their family worked. They just didn't share. Well, Stacey (Brad's sister) said that her husband has brought her to the dark side and the walls have come down. Not only do they fart in front of each other, they play games with it. So not fair. Here I am with a constant tummy ache, and they are having tons of farting fun.

All of that being said, I don't want my kids to grow up with tummy aches. I let them know that it is totally acceptable to pass wind when the need arises, as long as we aren't in public. I still try to keep my gas to myself when Brad is home. That means when he is not, it ain't pretty. Here's a little story for you, as sad (and funny) as it may be. We were doing school the other day and I was standing at the board writing Jackson's reading words down. He was sitting at his desk. I had a very loud obnoxious moment. Jackson shot a look at me, but didn't say a word. I just shrugged my shoulders like, well sorry, and we moved on. A few minutes later, I did it again. He gave me another look, and I gave him another shrug. Then I let out a little giggle, just thinking about how RUDE I was. Well, then Jackson giggled and I giggled again. Next thing I know, we were both hysterically laughing. We couldn't stop. Little Julianna was sitting at her desk too, and she never even looked up from coloring. LOL!

Anyway, I just want advice - what can I do to break wind, oops, I mean the ice with Brad? How do I help us to be more of a farting family? I have always heard a family that farts together, stays together. I want to be that family!


Mark said...

easily fixed.... rip one under the covers.... then pretend to spit on his head ... once he pulls the cover up to keep from being spit on, thats all she wrote .... I suspect it will be "game on" after that

-Mark H

Stacie said...

Michele, you rock. I am dying here.

Blondie said...

I needed this - you are funny!

I live in a house with three boys and no other girls. (In this scenarios, Brad is the girl.) Girl can't win against the boys. Girl decides to not only play the game, but beat them at it.

Moral of the stpry: Start scoring the gaseous episodes - he's a guy, guys are competitive, guys love to win. Reverse psychology. He will soon be out-farting all of you.

We score both burps and farts, btw. Criteria is based on substance, length, and volume.

Did I mention that I live in a house with all boys?

Blondie said...

I do not know how to type (seriously) but I really don't know how to type in the dark. Sorry. Going to bed now...

Anonymous said...

God I am dying laughing at you.

Girl, Mike and I do EVERYTHING in front of each other-fart (though we hate it when we just had the car washed and I fart and he won't down the window. Then it is pissed). My farts smell SO bad as you know. :)

We fart together, if one of us is pooping we will sit on the side of the tub and talk-as long as our bellies aren't hurting and we want to be alone. We just don't care. time he walks by..and you feel one coming on FART. LOUD. I hope it smells, then he will know the REAL Michelle! :) :)


Anonymous said...

Might I add...

Cameron is now a farter and a burper. You know that I can burp VERY loud well my 3 y/o son almost has me beat. :) :)

Quite funny..until we are out eating and he lets a burp out very loud. Mike HATES it. I laugh and then wink at Cameron. LOL.


Stacey (Brad's free farting sister) said...

Girl, you totally called me out!! I think I am going to have to save this down and send it to Matt...he will get such a kick out of it! Thanks for the laugh...I needed it today!!