Saturday, April 12, 2008


Well, our vacation is over. It was hot. It was crowded. It was a blast. We really had a great time. We did 7 straight days of theme parks. My kids were troopers! They loved every minute of it. All three of them!

I gotta tell ya though, I saw some major train wrecks. I was tempted to take pictures of all the idiots and share them with you all. I saw some doosies. I decided to spare you from the torment that I had to experience. I have however, compile some very important info for those of you planning a trip:

1. It is never acceptible to wear a bathing suit to a theme park. You can wear bathing suits to water parks, but not theme parks.

2. I understand that it is hot, we are all hot. However, you must wear a bra. Yes, the girls will sweat, and I am sorry. There is no reason to punish everyone else there by making them see your girls flopping in the wind. Boobs were made to be contained.

3. What I originally wrote was too mean for even me, so here is a nicer version. If you are overweight, please do not dress inappropriately. If you MUST dress like you are a supermodel that weighs 90 pounds, please tan the rolls first. There is nothing worse than white exposed fat. We all could afford to shed some pounds, that isn't the issue. The issue is forcing the free world to look at the pounds you need to lose with out clothes covering them. Even worse than that is forcing the free world to look at the pounds that have never seen the sun.

4. Get out of the way. Unless you are a celebrity, you do not get to have the park to yourself. MOVE. Do not stop in the middle of the walkway to take care of whatever you are taking care of. Make your way out of the path of others. If you don't you will get run over by strollers, wheelchairs and people walking. If you do get run over, do not catch an attitude with the person who ran you over. It is your own stupid fault.

5. If you are a teenager, try to be less annoying please. You really aren't as cool or as cute as you think you are. The rest of the world thinks you are an idiot.

6. For the love of all that is holy WALK. Do not walk like you are dead, do not drag your feet, just WALK for gosh shakes. While you may not have any kind of agenda, the rest of us do.

7. If you are a grown up without little kids, do not ride the kiddie rides. Because you feel the need to experience the "big thrill" that the rides offer, you make the actual little kids wait in line 30 minutes for a 60 second ride. If you had little kids you would realize this is not fun. There are big kid rides, ride those.

Ok, I could go on, but those are my most important tips. Consider yourself armed with very valuable information.

1 comment:

Stacie said...

you mean I shouldn't walk around baring all my untanned stretch marks for the world to see next week? Dang. guess I better put the tube tops back away.