Wednesday, September 28, 2011


As time goes on, I become more and more aware of the giant mountains in front of me. I thought that all of the mountains were gone.  Naively, I thought that once we began our adoption journey for the second time,  it would be smooth sailing. I thought it would all fall into place, because after all that happened, we deserved it. I couldn't have been more wrong.

We can't "buy" good times, just because we endured bad times. Unfortunately, when we left China without Xiao Xiao, little did I know our bad times were just beginning. Exactly a year ago today I wrote this post, Frantic. Here I am a year later feeling the exact same way - except worse. Today, I am more aware of all the obstacles and fears that invade my every thought:

*Fear that we will never find our Jocelyn Willa.
*Fear of timing.
*Obstacle of finances (we are still way short).
*Fear of losing my sanity from all of this.

Seriously, it is beginning to feel like the walls are closing in on me. How in the world are we ever going to overcome all of that?

Truth is, we can't. In my own power I can do nothing. I do not stand a chance. I do not have the power to overcome all of that on my own. Are the odds against us? Absolutely. I do not have authority over the CCCWA. I do not have endless amounts of money.

But, I know someone who does. I have a Father that can MOVE MOUNTAINS just by speaking. My Father has authority over Heaven and Earth - and that means the Ch*nese Government, too.  You know what else? My Father owns the cattle on a thousand hills (Psalm 50:10).

When we do finally receive Jocelyn in our arms (because we will!) - you know what? It will be only because of Jesus' power. His authority. His finances. He alone will receive the glory! And you know what else? That makes every minute, every doubt, every hardship of this wait worth it!



Naomi said...

Amen and Amen!!!

Oh how my heart is often heavy for your wait. So much longer than ours. I can relate to the sanity ordeal especially over the 14 months that I was living with my in laws and wondering if the day would ever arrive when we would have our own place. Alas it did! Now I am so grateful and there is not a day passes that I don't offer up my gratitude to God. How sweeter the gift when we have to wait endless months for its arrival.Your wait will end too. I know another month has slipped by but it was not unnoticed by God. He does wait that He may be gracious to you! (Is. 30:18)



Cheri said...

Thinking of you! I, too, have been through those difficult times. Some of those times have been very recent. As much as I tried being in control, I only had peace through the difficult times when I realized that Jesus was in control NOT me. It is a rollercoaster. As soon as we lay our burdens down at His feet, we feel the need to pick them back He really needs our help? Praying for you.

Kris said...

God is NEVER late. There is another friend who had major mountains to be moved in the past few days...and God moved them just in miraculous fashion like He always does. He can do it. And He will do it. Just rest and trust in Him. The timing will be perfect. They received their final check just this past week, and they get their 1st daughter on Oct 17th (they are adopting 2 at one time!). God wasn't late for them and He won't be for you either!!!