I am so sorry to be writing you a "Dear John" letter. I just can't be with you anymore. Don't get me wrong, it has nothing to do with you, it's me. I love you and you will always hold a special place in my heart. I tried to gradually spend less time with you, but that isn't working for me anymore. I must break up with you completely.
It will hurt for a while. But once I rid my body of all the negative things you leave behind, I will feel better. Try not to be so sad. I will see you around. Brad still wants to be with you. You will still have your special place in my fridge. Just no longer in my hand...
Try to move on without me.
*Disclaimer* - To Pepsi, Co - I am sorry if you have to file for bankruptcy now. That is not my intention. I hope you can still sell enough of your glorious sodas without my support.