Travel. That "little" thing that is always in the back of my mind. The most anxiety producing part of this journey (ok, we one of the most). When I first came home from China in July of last year, I said I would never, ever go again without Brad. The loneliness I experienced while there was the deepest loneliness I have ever felt. I have never in my life felt more alone and more afraid. It was awful.
Right after we decided to be matched again, we talked about it and decided that I would have to travel alone again. There is just no way we can afford otherwise. Coming up with the money needed for just one of us to travel is difficult. There is no way we can afford for anyone else to travel with me.
When I think about that, it makes me break out into a cold sweat. My heart starts racing, and I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. The thing is, if Brad travels with me, then the kids have to come. We just do not have anyone that we are comfortable with leaving them for that long. Not to mention, there isn't anyone they would be comfortable with.
I am wondering what I could do in the meantime to raise the money needed for them. What could I do or sell? There has be something that I could do, ya know? Somehow there just has to be a way they could go with me.
Am I wrong for wanting them to go? Is that selfish of me? It feels so frivolous, and I don't mean it that way. It just literally makes my heart ache thinking about it.