BASKET FULL OF GOODIES

Over the course of the last 2 years, I have collected quite a bit of stuff for Miss Willa. I thought for fun, I would share some of her goodies here. My favorite thing is a baby carrier. I don't have a photo of it, but it's the exact same sling that I had for Julianna. It is so comfortable, and it will be perfect to carry my little girl in while we are in China! I can't wait! Anyway, here are just a few things we have for her...

Sweet little doll with her name on it (from my baby sister. Thanks Jordy!)

Another baby doll with a little lovie.

Beautiful baby book complete with great pages to fill out for her. Also a matching photo album (already loaded with pictures of her family and friends!).

I guess that is all for now. We have a lot of stuff for her, but I wont bore you with all of that. It is just so much fun to look through her big basket of stuff and think about her. Imagine her playing with her soft little baby doll from Aunt Jordan. Or think about her snuggling in my lap looking at her photo album. 

One day I wont have to imagine. One day, she will be here, settled into her family. I hope it is sooner rather than later...

TRUST

Something dawned on me this week. It is profound. I knew this with my head, but I didn't know it in my heart. When it hit me, it really hit me.


Jesus has a plan.

For me, for my life. A plan that makes my plan look lame. For a while now, I have been praying for what I thought was best.  I have been praying for my timing. In my prayers, I laid it all out for God,  'cause He might need my help, ya know.

Um, wrong.  Seriously, I really thought He might need me to help Him along. I was getting dressed the other day, and I thought, "WAIT! He doesn't need me. He doesn't need me to explain to Him how it all needs to play out." I heard something this weekend that literally changed my life...


God doesn't need me...He wants me.

Think about that for a minute. If I could imagine my best case scenario, the perfect story... it would still not be as great as what Jesus has for me. This completely changes my perspective. The more I thought about it, the more I felt Him speaking to me.


He is enough.

If none of my "plans" ever work out the way I hope, He is enough. He alone. Nothing else matters. One day, this life will be over. One day I will find myself standing, actually kneeling, at my sweet Jesus' feet. I will be face to face with my Savior. That's what matters. When I begin to focus on eternity and not the here and now, that is when I find complete Peace.

Funny how different things are when you truly focus on Him. Everything in the background fades away.  Every worry. Every heartache. Every loss. Everything.

I don't ever want to take my eyes off of Him.

TRAVEL, AGAIN

Travel. That "little" thing that is always in the back of my mind. The most anxiety producing part of this journey (ok, we one of the most). When I first came home from China in July of last year, I said I would never, ever go again without Brad. The loneliness I experienced while there was the deepest loneliness I have ever felt. I have never in my life felt more alone and more afraid. It was awful.

Right after we decided to be matched again, we talked about it and decided that I would have to travel alone again. There is just no way we can afford otherwise. Coming up with the money needed for just one of us to travel is difficult. There is no way we can afford for anyone else to travel with me.

When I think about that, it makes me break out into a cold sweat. My heart starts racing, and I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. The thing is, if Brad travels with me, then the kids have to come. We just do not have anyone that we are comfortable with leaving them for that long. Not to mention, there isn't anyone they would be comfortable with.

I am wondering what I could do in the meantime to raise the money needed for them. What could I do or sell? There has be something that I could do, ya know? Somehow there just has to be a way they could go with me.

Am I wrong for wanting them to go? Is that selfish of me? It feels so frivolous, and I don't mean it that way. It just literally makes my heart ache thinking about it.

THE LIST

Well, the new list is coming out on Monday night. It's going to be a long weekend. I already have this pit in my tummy that doesn't seem to want to go away. There is a huge part of me that feels like she will not be on this list. The mere thought of that makes me want to burst into tears. I don't know... I am just so ready to bring my baby home. I am so ready to get on that plane and head to China. Knowing that it is months (and possibly more months) away, is almost too much to bear.

If you have a minute, will you please, please pray for us? Specifically, would you please pray that we see our daughter's face on Monday? Also, that her file is complete, and accurate.

I simply can not do this without prayers. Thank you all so much. It means the world to me. There is power in prayer!

VALENTINE'S DAY

We don't really do sitters, so I knew a nice Valentine's date with my hubby wasn't going to happen. I figured since I couldn't go to dinner with Brad, Julianna could. A daddy, daughter date. She was so very excited! We really should spend more one on one time with each of the littles. They just love the undivided attention. I told her that she could dress up if she wanted, and I would even curl her hair. She couldn't wait! So I got her dressed, and she waited on her daddy to get home from work. When he got home, he gave her a single pink rose. She was giddy! It was so sweet! She looked so pretty!

Brad told me not to expect them home immediately after dinner because he needed to go to the funeral home to pay his respects to a church member's family. I tell ya, nothing says "Happy Valentine's Day" like a trip to the funeral home. BWAHAHAHAHAHA It's not funny.

Right before they left, Brad handed me my Valentine present. Um. Yeah, there are no words. He gave me a cherry Laffy Taffy. Complete with the $0.99 sticker and it was warm because clearly, it had been in his pocket. It's a tasty treat and entertainment. Candy complete with jokes. My man? Yeah, he's so romantic.

So the boys and I decided we would go on our own date. We piled in the car, and headed to Taco Bell. I have to say, it was really nice just being with the boys. We giggled a lot (why is it that boys think it is so funny when someone toots? And by someone, I mean Jameson. Over and over. Loudly. In Taco Bell.). It was really a great time!

Who knew Valentine's day with Laffy Taffy, Taco Bell and toots could be so great?! Brad and Julianna's nice dinner and trip to the funeral home had nothing on our date!

HUNGRY

I recently started a new Beth Moore bible study. It's called "When Godly People Do Ungodly Things". I will be honest, when I first began, I felt a little "above" (for lack of a better word) the things Beth was discussing in the study. The first week talks about being seduced by Satan and the world. While I am not perfect, by any means, I just didn't feel like I struggled with a lot of the issues she addressed. I promise I don't mean that I am unteachable - quite the opposite. It's just I didn't feel like I was being "seduced". To me, that word mostly means sexual things. I can say with 100% certainty, I do not struggle with any type of sexual sin or temptation. So how could this study apply to me?

Boy was I wrong! I am so glad when I am wrong about stuff like this! I am so glad I didn't quit. I am learning the word "seduction" doesn't just apply to things sexual in nature. I am learning that you can be seduced by Satan in many areas. Areas that include anything you allow to tempt you - food, gossip, anything really.

The study goes on to talk about Peter. How God allowed Satan to "sift" Peter like wheat. It really made me think - sifting like wheat. Refining. Could it be that God has been sifting me? I think so. I think He is still sifting me. I think I am learning that I can not rely on my own strength. I can not rely of anything of this world. I can only rely on Him. Everything is completely out of my hands and out of my power.

This bible study has created a hunger in me. I want to know more. I want to be able to see when the enemy is trying to seduce me. I want to be strong in my faith and in my relationship with Jesus, to stand against the enemy's schemes. I don't want to put this study down. It has planted little seeds that I want to explore. For instance, I want to know more about fasting. I get the basic thought behind it, but I really want to understand it. Another thing I discovered is that I want to learn to read Greek or Hebrew. There have been a few verses that I looked up, and if I had of been able to read those verses in Greek, I would have gotten so much more out of it. The verses do not change in any way, but reading them in Greek brings a deeper meaning. I am intrigued!

I really feel like Jesus has something to tell me. I feel He is drawing me close for a specific reason. I am not going to stop until I hear Him loud and clear.

While I am posting, can I ask a prayer request (the bible study also points out the importance of intercessory prayer. It said that if you don't have a group of people praying for you, find some!)? I have a few, if you would please pray for our family, I would really appreciate it! I would be honored to do the same for you, please leave a comment with any request you may have! Anyway, here are my requests:

*The new waiting child list comes out soon (maybe the 21st). Please pray that, God willing, Willa is on it!

*I am starting to get more and more nervous about reviewing a file. What if it isn't accurate again? Please pray that her file will be complete and an accurate representation of Willa's medical needs. No surprises.

*Finances - we are still about $6,000 short (actually that alone is a miracle. 6 months ago I never would have dreamed being matched again was even possible financially.)

*Timing. While I deeply want God's timing, I know His timing is perfect, I desperately want my baby girl. There is this sense of urgency in my spirit. It is heart wrenching.

That is all, for now. Thank you so much. I hope everyone has a wonderful Valentine's Day!!

SHOPPING

A few months back, my in-laws gave us a new couch. I love the couch and since we got it, I have been searching for the perfect comfy chair to match. I stumbled across this beauty Eames Lounge Chair at one of my favorite online stores. I love it! I love that it's contemporary and cool. When I grow up, I am going to have a completely contemporary house. Very Frank Lloyd Wright-esque.

Anyway, I am going to be providing a review for an item from CSN Stores soon. I so wish I could "test out" that chair I posted above. LOL. I am unsure what I will be reviewing, but I will be sure to share all the details when I know. How fun, right?

I should have been a product tester or a restaurant critic. I have no problems telling people what I think. I missed my calling, don't you think?

PRESERVE THE INNOCENCE!

A while back, my friends were having a discussion on the book Cinderella Ate My Daughter: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the New Girly-Girl Culture.

I have to admit, I had never heard of it, but I was annoyed by the thought. Most of you know how much I loooove Disney, and all things Disney. How could anyone think that the Princesses were "poisoning" my daughter? Come on. I didn't really chime in on the conversation because my momma taught me if I do not have anything nice to say, I shouldn't say it at all.

So fast forward to today. I was reading an article in a magazine called "Little Girls Gone Wild". It was about the author's opinion on the Cinderella Ate My Daughter book, as well as her thoughts on raising her own daughter. The more I read, the more I thought, "YES!"

I have always taught Julianna the importance of modesty. We don't do little girl bikini's, pants with words written across the bum, or things like that. Honestly, I thought that was enough. I never thought about all the other ways our world sexualizes our young daughters.

The article makes it a point to say being sexy is not the same thing as being sexualized. This is what really got to me. She went on to say that it isn't only about imposing sexuality on children, but valuing a girl for her appearance over other attributes.

It really made me stop and think. My first thought was, "This is ridiculous. How could anyone think that Cinderella or Ariel would send a negative message to my child?" The more I thought about it, the more I realized that selling little high heal plastic shoes to 2 year olds is opening a door to sexuality. Sure every kid wants to dress up and pretend. I get that, I really do. Does my child have a closet full of dress up clothes and little high heels? Yes. Will I take those things away? No. But think about it - someone out there is marketing sexy grown up clothes to our daughters. Think about your average toy aisle at Walmart. It is filled with finger nail polish, lip gloss, make up, fancy dresses, high heals, and boa feathers. If a grown up had all of that on, what would you think? You would think sexy. Right?

So if we open this door with our daughters now, where do we have to go as she grows? Higher heels, shorter skirts, more revealing bathing suits, more make up. Think about Miley Cyrus (Well, you know, any child star. Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears.). It always starts out as a cutesy girl that appeals to younger girls. The more time goes on, the more that cutesy star becomes more and more sexy. Miley Cyrus performed with a stripper pole at the Teen Choice Awards! A stripper pole! Yeah, that's a role model for you!

So what do we do in this age to protect our daughters by being exploited by the media, marketing, and "role models"? We have to teach them to find value in who they are, not how they look. We have to monitor the shows they watch, the music they listen to, the friends they choose. It scares me to think that we are constantly teaching our children to "grow up and be sexy" without even realizing it.

Its out there, and it's subtle. Take notice before it's too late.