Wow! I'm sorry it has taken me so long to blog. We have been really busy lately. There are a lot of things that I want to say and share, but I just haven't found the time to sit down with the laptop.
Things are going better lately. Don't get me wrong, I still feel "frantic" more than I care to admit. In Target on Saturday I saw a sweet little Chinese girl with her Caucasian parents and I burst into tears. Silly, I know, but other than moments like that, it is getting better.
For a while now, Brad has been asking me how I know that we still have a little girl waiting for us. I always just tell him, "I just know", because it has been the truth. I just know. I have never been able to explain with anything more than that. However, the other night, I was sitting in the living room and it hit me. I ran into the den to share my epiphany with Brad.
When I am closest with Jesus, when I really feel His presence - for instance when I am worshipping Him with music, or reading my bible, or praying - I feel the leading to complete our adoption the most. During those times, I feel heart broken for the orphan, for my daughter. Yet, when I spend a few days not reading my bible study like I am suppose to, or the kids want to listen to Michael Jackson in the car (Yes, they are their mother's children. We love MJ. We just can't help it. Do not judge us.) instead of our contemporary Christian (which we listen to 95% of the time), or I am just too busy to stop and listen to my Lord, it is less oppressive. I don't think about it as much. I don't feel drawn to it. For the last few months, I can see a pattern. When I look back over the time since I have been home from China, the times when I felt done with this process was the times when I wasn't as close to Jesus as I should have been. Yet, the days where I felt so sure that Willa was still waiting was the days that I had spent time with Jesus.
So that is how I know. That is how I know that we have a daughter waiting for us still. The same daughter that has been waiting all along. The daughter that I have been working so hard for, for three years. I told Brad that in the summer of 2007, Jesus told me that I had a daughter waiting in China. He told me to bring her home. We haven't done that yet. I believe we are suppose to finish what He started a long time ago. So, all of that said... WE ARE GOING BACK TO CHINA!
Brad is still processing all of this. He needs a little more time. I respect that. Obviously, my little Willa isn't ready for us yet. So we are going to give it more time before requesting a match, but we are moving forward. The way I see it is this - it gives me more time to pray for her. More time to pray for our finances. More time to thank my precious Father in Heaven that once again - HE MOVED MOUNTAINS.
Willa Hope is coming home!!!!!