I have an story about my sweet Jesus and His mercy. I guess if you are not a believer in Christ, this story wont mean much to you. Maybe, it will touch your soul. Maybe, you will see that Jesus can truly offer you something that you can not find anywhere else.
For a while now, I have really struggled with fear. Typically, it involves the health and safety of my children, the loss of my husband, and my health. Those things are constant worries for me. It got much worse right after I found out about my brain cavernoma (not to mention my strong family history of brain aneurysms). Let me just clarify, when I say fear, I mean crippling fear. I constantly play scenarios out in my mind. What would happen if Brad were in an accident (I don't worry about his health. Remember the post about his immortal grandparents? he has good genes. LOL)? What if my children were diagnosed with a terrible disease? What if I died and couldn't raise my babies? It goes on and on. And it is constant.
Well, a couple of weeks ago, Brad and Jackson were offered tickets to a South Carolina football game. This is a huge big deal to them. They were SO excited. However, the SC stadium is three hours away. They didn't care, but I was a nervous wreck. You see, they were going to drive to the game, and then drive home immediately after. At 11 o'clock at night. For three hours. UGH. Were they trying to kill me? The closer the game came, the more nervous I got. Well, by Wednesday I was really struggling. It was consuming me. What if a deer ran out in the road? What if their tire blew and it flipped the car? What if? What if? What if? I could hardly sleep Wednesday night, knowing they were leaving the next day. So on Thursday, every time I looked at Jackson, I cried. What if this was the last time I fixed him a cheese sandwich? What if I never get to teach him the next lesson in school? It was horrible. I honestly think, really, it was a full blown panic attack. I have no other explanation.
I prayed, my mom prayed, Brad prayed. They prayed for their protection, but they prayed for me too. I desperately needed release from this or the people from the loony bin were headed my way. Complete with my own personal straight jacket.
The mail came right after lunch. There was an envelope addressed to me from my mom. She didn't mention mailing me anything, so I was surprised. Anyway, it had a little devotion in it that made her think of me. The devotion was nice, but that wasn't what grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me. At the top of the paper it had this scripture:
"'For I know the plans I have for you', says the Lord . 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'"
Not for disaster. To give me a future and a HOPE. Ok, Lord. I trust you. Thank you! Even though I knew these things, it felt good to read it and to be reminded of His promise to me. However, most of you know me... that lasted all of 5 minutes. LOL. So literally 10 minutes later, Jackson says to me, "Mom where is my bible verse that I am suppose to be reading?" No clue. So he goes to find it and brings it back to me. It was a doosy. Here is this one:
"In the same way, it is not my heavenly Father's will that even one of these little ones should perish."
Okkkkk Lord. I hear you this time. You have a plan for me - not for disaster and my little ones are safe! Thank you JESUS! I promise the anxiety was GONE. I felt like a new person, literally release from the grips of fear. Only He can provide such overwhelming peace. And I am still praising Him for it!
I also want to add this - I know that I am not guaranteed safety and perfect health for my family and myself forever. I understand that sometimes Jesus delivers us from the fire, sometimes he delivers us through the fire and sometimes he delivers us from the fire into His arms. I believe this time, he delivered me through the fire. He has shown me that for today, I can cling to that scripture He gave me. For today. Tomorrow, should something happen that I fear the most, I have His word to get me through.
It flippin rocks to be so free in Jesus!