I am not sure why I never thought about Jessica's birth mom before, but I really haven't. It is strange because I think about it all the time with adopted children that we know. I often wonder about the kid's moms and what they may have been like.
Today we had our first meeting with our social worker. She asked some tough questions, but they were one's I was prepared for. Then she asked, "What are your thoughts about the birth mom?" At first, I wasn't sure what she meant, so I asked her, "Our daughter's birth mom?" As soon as she said yes, I was overcome with emotion. I didn't mean to, but instantly tears filled my eyes and I just started crying. I am SURE she thought I was a lunatic. It honestly was the first time I really thought about Jessica's birth mom. MY daughter's birth mom.
It was so hard to compose myself. She handed me a tissue (groan!). Not exactly the picture you want to paint with a lady that is going to write up a report about how "stable" we are. I told her I could probably write a book on my feelings toward my little one's birth mom. However, the thoughts that come to mind in that instant are gratitude, sympathy, love. When it came time to ask Brad his thoughts, I was really unsure what he would say. He told her basically the same, and thankfulness that she chose to give our daughter life. Oh yikes. Tears again. Then and now.
I just never thought about all of this. Things have been so busy getting ready for the homestudy and the dossier preparation. Now I can't get it, or her, out of my mind. Oh how I grieve for her. I think about the day she had to leave her little treasure. Surely, her heart was broken into a million pieces. I think of how she packed her baby up, knowing that she would never see her again. I simply can not fathom the pain she felt. It hurts my feelings when one of my babies goes to the store with their daddy. I want them with me, all the time. The thought of bundling them up, and walking away forever, is simply too much to bear.
That sweet lady did what most mother's do not have the courage to do. She knew that her baby would have better opportunities at life if she gave her up. She sacrificed her feelings, for what she thought was best for her baby.
I will be eternally grateful to that sweet lady. I will pray for her for as long as I live. I pray that Jesus gives her peace. I pray he blesses her for her selfless act. I would give anything to wrap my arms around her and love on her and tell her thank you.