Sigh. What a crappy, crappy week. Probably the worst of my life, honestly. The only other time that compares, is the week that Jamey was in NICU - and even then, my heart was broken, but I knew everything was ok. Now I am just not sure. There are moments when I feel such peace, but there is this constant little black cloud hanging over me all the time. I know I will be ok. I know that Jesus will take care of me, but it is just so scary.
More than fear though, I feel grateful. I am so very grateful that it has all panned out the way it has. Grateful for the headaches (which are totally gone by the way), grateful for my friend that said I should go to the doctor, grateful for the doctor who insisted on the MRI. At least now we can treat it and move on.
I am actually grateful for something else - I am grateful for the malformation. Because of it, I have fallen on my knees - I was long overdue. Because of it, I have had the opportunity to share my absolute faith in Jesus with people than may not believe. I have been allowed to experience such a pure, sweet peace that can only come from one Place. I only hope to glorify Jesus through my experience. I hope that I can be a witness to others who are going through tough times. What I keep reminding myself is the God that calmed the sea the night Jesus walked on water, is the very same God that calms the storm that is raging inside of my heart (and head!). So I draw my strength from Him. I hope that if you are reading this and you are going through dark times, you look to the Light. Draw your strength from Him too. Look to Him for peace, it truly is a peace that surpasses all understanding.