Sunday, May 22, 2011

ROLLER COASTER

Here we go (again)... China will release a new list tomorrow night. My agency emailed on Friday to let us know. The list will release around 8 pm tomorrow (8am in China). My family coordinator said that *if* we were to receive a match (oh lord, please let it be!!), she would call us late tomorrow night.

Here is my issue - I want my baby. Ok, besides that... This roller coaster is killing me. The week of the list is always brutal for me. Just the up and down of it all. The anticipation of getting "the call", to not actually getting a call, then waiting for Thursday to possibly getting a call for a re-released file, to not getting a call then either. It's too much. Did I mention that I don't do roller coasters? Not even at Disney World. I am a "It's a Small World" ride kind of gal. On my craziest day, I may throw in Pirates of the Caribbean, but you know that part in the beginning of that ride that dips (drops?) you down a little? Yeah, I always have a knot in my tummy waiting for that part. That is all the thrill I need, thankyouverymuch.  So this roller coaster that I am currently on? NOT my idea of a good time.

I do have to say that these last few weeks, I have been pretty relaxed about the whole thing. I sort of knew deep down that we weren't getting a call from the April list. I just had a hunch. So when the call never came, I wasn't surprised. I don't have any hunches this time. Actually, in April I kind of felt like May would be our month. Now I don't necessarily feel that way. I am really numb about the whole thing. 

We are really needing to be matched this summer in order to travel by the end of the year. We are desperately counting on that tax refund to help with the finances. If we travel after January 1, 2012, the refund will become a credit. A tax credit doesn't help us. I know that probably sounds terrible and I don't mean it that way. We are just really hopeful that we travel in time to qualify. That would be a huge burden lifted.  If we don't, I don't know what we will do.

Will you please pray for us? There is a lot up in the air but the bottom line... I just want my baby. To see her face. To know her name and where she is from.  

5 comments:

Sandra said...

Girl, I know the feeling. I don't think May will be our month. I have always thought June, but we too really need to travel before the year ends. Praying for a match for us both tomorrow night!

Stephanie said...

The list! Ugh, big week. Will be lifting you up in prayer. It's been such a roller coaster for you for far too long.

Tara Anderson said...

I hate the roller coaster, too. And I want SO badly for you to find your Willa on this list!!!

P.S. That adoption tax credit is a HUGE deal! Don't feel bad about wanting it. It really helped us recover from the expense.

Carrie said...

Will be praying!

Ashley said...

You know I am praying. Text me at all hours if you need to and don't feel bad for feeling the way you do. It's all good!