I need to have the travel discussion again. I was really feeling burdened by the travel arrangements (or lack there of, I suppose). I really thought I had it all sorted out, but my heart felt heavy everytime I thought about it. I had resigned myself to traveling alone, and if my friend could work it out, she was going to go with me. That seemed to be a good alternative, but we just wasn't sure how we could work that out financially. Like I said above, I just felt so burdened and heavy hearted when I thought about it.

So I prayed for wisdom. I prayed that Jesus would work out whatever His will was for us. Well, a few days later, Brad and I talked about it again. He said ideally, he could go too, but we just couldn't afford it. It was in that moment that hit me like a ton of bricks! We talked about how really, the desires of our hearts is for all of us to go. Instantly,  I felt a Peace that I hadn't felt before regarding travel. Seriously, pure Joy filled my heart thinking about my husband and my babies being there with me and Jessica.

So I think I have my answer! I literally have been on cloud 9 thinking about it. We have had the best time this week talking about all the things we are going to see and do. The kids are so excited. So, now I just have to pray if this is indeed His will, He will provide.

It will be nothing short of a miracle to have the funding we need. Fortunately, I serve an awesome God. A God that have proven himself faithful to us, over and over.

Taking the whole family is a controversial topic. Especially when you are trying to raise funds. While I understand how that could be, I don't agree with most of the negativity surrounding it. I believe this trip will be a life changing trip for my children. I believe seeds will be planted in their little hearts. I believe God will show them a nation without Jesus. I also believe that God will open their hearts for other people and culture.

My prayer for my children is that their heart will be burdened for the lost. Burdened for the oppressed. So you see, I don't think this will be a vacation. I think it will affect their hearts. That makes taking them along priceless.

Not to mention, they will be there when we meet Jessica for the first time. We can never get that moment back and I simply can not imagine all my babies not being there.

So, I will close with this - will you please help me pray? Pray that God moves mountains financially. Please pray for provision. Also, we are having a fundraising concert on May 2. I am really excited about it. The praise team at our church do such an awesome job. I am excited they are all willing to help us! Please pray it goes well! Thanks guys!

BEETHOVEN

LOL, ok, so that may be a stretch. Still, this momma is so proud!! Jackson started piano lessons a week ago. He really seems to be enjoying it. He comes to me everyday to tell me it is time for him to practice. I love that he likes it so much. I just hope he continues to enjoy it. So far, he already knows way more than I do. HAHA, of course, that isn't saying much. Anyway, without further ado, here is a video clip of him playing!

LOGGED IN

I just received word that our dossier is officially logged in the with China Center of Adoption Affairs. So our official LID is 2/04/10. For those of you that haven't a clue what I am talking about - it means all of our (precious, lol) paperwork is officially in the system in China. So our official wait for acceptance begins. I am still hoping and praying to travel this summer to get my sweet little girl!

SEVEN

He. Is. Seven. How can that be? I am near tears thinking about. Forget "near" tears, I am in tears. My sweet baby boy. We've had a rough time, him and me. It seems that he thinks he is a grown up, so I spend my days reminding him that he is not.

No matter how grown he thinks he is, he is my baby. My heart. He is such a sweet, tender hearted little guy. Sometimes during the day, I feel like I am going to pull my hair out, but I simply can not fathom not spending my days with him.

He is such a sweet boy. There are so many things I could say about him - he loves sports and he is really good at them, especially basketball and football. He is a math whiz. In fact, most of the time, I don't even need to teach him new math concepts, he just gets it. He tries really, really hard to build a relationship with his little brother. He is very excited that they now share a room. He hasn't complained once about Jameson being in there. He loves every second of it. His daddy is his best friend in the whole world. He is more content just staying home with daddy than doing anything else. One of his favorite things to do is co-sleep with us. He usually doesn't have to twist our arms to let him, either. He is very loyal to the South Carolina Gamecocks. He is a Gamecock through and through, which is funny considering he has never lived in South Carolina. I could go on and on about my sweet Jackson.

I love this child more than anything. I am so very blessed to be his mommy.

TRAVEL

Clearly, I have OCD. I will pick something and research it to death. I have covered Jessica'a province, her special need, backpacks (she needs one, ya know), etc... My current OCD topic is travel.

Obviously, the big question is when? However, the bigger question for me right now is who will be traveling? Originally, I was insistent that my whole family was going. It was (is) very important to me that they are all there for their new sister. In an ideal world, of course we would all travel. I am learning though, that all of us traveling is not going to be possible. First of all, we are no where near having the money needed for all of us to go. Secondly, we are just wondering if it would just be easier if they all stay home. I know with three, soon to be four, kids, easy is typically not a word we use to describe our situation. We are used to things not being easy, and we usually don't shy away from things others may consider difficult. However, Jackson is a homebody. I mean a real homebody. He is also the most likely to not go with the flow. I really think he would be miserable in China. Jameson is pretty easy, but he is a total momma's boy. I think he would have a very difficult time with all the attention Jessica will get. Julianna would be very easy and very excited to be there, but I can't take her if I leave the others behind. So, what to do, what to do?

Brad and I have talked extensively about this. I think we have decided that I will go and he will stay home with the kids. It isn't ideal, but we aren't comfortable leaving them without one of us for 2+ weeks. We never leave them, not even to go to dinner alone. So it seems incredibly unfair to just leave them for 2 weeks.

So I am going to China alone. As in all by myself. As in solo. For 2 weeks. Am I freakin out? Not yet. Will I? Probably so. LOL. If anyone wants to go as my travel companion, let me know! LOL. I wont hold my breath.