Monday, November 9, 2009


I am thanking Jesus for discernment today. There is no doubt that I have a heart for the orphan. No doubt that each little face I see on a waiting child list, tears at my heart and makes me want to bring him or her home. I have wondered when the time came for a referral how I would know if she was Jessica. Surely, I wouldn't be able to turn away any sweet little one.

Well, we requested the file of a little girl from the shared list on Friday. It was closing time, so we didn't hear back until today. My family coordinator called letting me know she was sending the little girl's info to me via email. Her complete medical record and several photos. I kind of felt numb. It was the weirdest thing. Maybe because I had the whole weekend to think about her and pray. I am not sure. Anyway, the file came, and I immediately opened it. Let me just say, this child had the most sad eyes. As little as she is, her eyes told a story that would make anyone with a heart, break down in tears.

I called Brad and told him about her and her need. The whole time I was talking to him, I knew what his answer would be, because my answer was the same. She is not mine. I felt that her need could be manageable, so it wasn't that. I truly believe with all of my heart that my precious Father was whispering to our spirits, she is not our child.

It was difficult to say no to this precious baby. I will commit to praying she finds HER family soon. Also, I am committed to thanking my Jesus endlessly for showing me the way. On my own, I would never be able to turn away a child in need.

I also fully trust when we do receive Jessica's file, we will know without any doubt in our hearts that SHE is meant for US. Sure we will have questions and concerns, but I believe the peace of my Saviour will transcend all understanding.


Kathy said...

Very well said. It was so hard for us to look at a child's file and then turn it down. It ripped my heart open and was very emotional and depressing. But, when I saw our Maggie's file I knew she was ours and my husband and I were in COMPLETE agreement. She even had a SN that we did not "check off" on our SN list. We just knew...

Tara Anderson said...

Thank you for this reassuring post. I've been thinking alot here lately about the possibility of turning down a file. As much as I hate the thought of it, I just keep trusting that we will KNOW when we see our little Soryn. As much as others may tug at our heartstrings, we may have to turn them away in obedience so that we can fulfill God's plan for our lives...and the lives of all the other little darlings that may be presented to us. I know it wasn't easy for you, but I also praise God for the gift of discernment you received today. And I'll join you in praying that precious little one finds her forever family soon.

BIG Hugs,

TanyaLea said...

Discernment and hearing His whispers to your heart are SO important during this journey. I'm sure it was very difficult to have to say 'no' after reviewing her file and looking into those eyes. But you do have to trust the Peace that transcends all understanding, and know that He will bring you to your WILL know when it happens! I agree with all that Tara said, too. It's such a hard decision and I can't imagine walking this journey without God leading the way and lighting the path before us! Saying a prayer that you will just KNOW that you KNOW that you KNOW!...when you are looking at the face of your Jessica.

love and hugs,

Beth said...


Do you remember when my sister was adopting her 2nd child? She actually had to turn down a child after they met him in Russia. It was difficult and heart-breaking but they knew he wasn't the the little boy for them. The child they adopted is! He fits with their family perfectly. Keep listening and keep praying.