I am thanking Jesus for discernment today. There is no doubt that I have a heart for the orphan. No doubt that each little face I see on a waiting child list, tears at my heart and makes me want to bring him or her home. I have wondered when the time came for a referral how I would know if she was Jessica. Surely, I wouldn't be able to turn away any sweet little one.
Well, we requested the file of a little girl from the shared list on Friday. It was closing time, so we didn't hear back until today. My family coordinator called letting me know she was sending the little girl's info to me via email. Her complete medical record and several photos. I kind of felt numb. It was the weirdest thing. Maybe because I had the whole weekend to think about her and pray. I am not sure. Anyway, the file came, and I immediately opened it. Let me just say, this child had the most sad eyes. As little as she is, her eyes told a story that would make anyone with a heart, break down in tears.
I called Brad and told him about her and her need. The whole time I was talking to him, I knew what his answer would be, because my answer was the same. She is not mine. I felt that her need could be manageable, so it wasn't that. I truly believe with all of my heart that my precious Father was whispering to our spirits, she is not our child.
It was difficult to say no to this precious baby. I will commit to praying she finds HER family soon. Also, I am committed to thanking my Jesus endlessly for showing me the way. On my own, I would never be able to turn away a child in need.
I also fully trust when we do receive Jessica's file, we will know without any doubt in our hearts that SHE is meant for US. Sure we will have questions and concerns, but I believe the peace of my Saviour will transcend all understanding.