Saturday, January 7, 2012

LOOKING UP

Sorry for the silence. It hasn't been that I haven't wanted to write, I just never could seem to focus my thoughts long enough to do it. I also didn't want to share how much my heart was hurting. I knew if I blogged, it would be very hard to hide it.

But, here I am. January 2012. A new year, a new beginning. I can say that I feel better these days. October, November and much of December were pretty dark for me. I am beginning to see the Light again, and I am very grateful for that.

After much prayer and discussion, we are putting our adoption on hold indefinitely. As much as it hurts my heart (and I can't even put into words just how much), I am beginning to accept it. I do believe we is what we are suppose to do.

I know that these last 3 years had purpose. As I look back, I can clearly see God's hand in all of it. I do believe we were on the right path. Because of the journey He brought us on, I learned to trust Him more. I learned that He provides, comforts, prepares, protects. Maybe without that journey, I wouldn't have known Him the way I do now. 

I also believe that He used us to bring two precious girls to their forever families. Those little girls were never meant to be mine, but I am humbled and honored that He chose us to help make a way for them to come home. They will always hold a very dear place in my heart. I am so grateful that they both will be raised in a Christian home, with families that will love them and protect them.

I know that Jesus is doing something new and something big. He has drawn my heart to China for as long as I can remember, and I clearly have a heart for orphans. Maybe this whole journey prepared a way for me to do something else. Maybe I was never meant to care for ONE orphan, but to help care for MANY. Maybe we are suppose to go to them, instead of bringing just her to us.

I do have a huge GOD story, but it deserves a post of its own. I will share it soon. If you will continue to pray for us, I would be so grateful. We aren't burning any bridges - we aren't withdrawing our adoption paperwork. We are just waiting for Jesus to show us what He is doing. We will join Him wherever he leads. 

5 comments:

Hsmomto5 said...

You have such amazing courage and strength. I know sometimes you don't feel strong but you are making such a difference for so many. God has big plans for you and your sweet family.
Lora

chrissy said...

I was thinking of you over the holidays- I can't imagine how difficult this season of life has been for you. I hope you are finding peace, my friend, and I hope that you are able to see how God will use this pain very soon.

Tara Anderson said...

You've been on my heart during your silence. I've missed "hearing" from you. Love you!

Tammy Tarter said...

I have been praying that God would just hold you in His arms during this time. Just stay close to Him He will unveil His plans. I have been waiting 7 years for our story to begin and I have a "feeling" its just around the corner, nevertheless I am STILL waiting because I could be totally wrong. Praying that your heart will heal and know that you are loved!

Valerie and Jeff said...

Wonderful to hear you post again! So glad that you continue to seek God's path knowing that He has a plan in this journey! Be reassured in remembering that God knows the desires of your heart ... and I look forward with great anticipation as He is faithful in fulfilling them in His timing. And I LOVE how you are opening your heart for His will to fill the spaces and being open to the fact that it just may be bigger than you ever imagined!
Hugs!
Valerie