But, here I am. January 2012. A new year, a new beginning. I can say that I feel better these days. October, November and much of December were pretty dark for me. I am beginning to see the Light again, and I am very grateful for that.
After much prayer and discussion, we are putting our adoption on hold indefinitely. As much as it hurts my heart (and I can't even put into words just how much), I am beginning to accept it. I do believe we is what we are suppose to do.
I know that these last 3 years had purpose. As I look back, I can clearly see God's hand in all of it. I do believe we were on the right path. Because of the journey He brought us on, I learned to trust Him more. I learned that He provides, comforts, prepares, protects. Maybe without that journey, I wouldn't have known Him the way I do now.
I also believe that He used us to bring two precious girls to their forever families. Those little girls were never meant to be mine, but I am humbled and honored that He chose us to help make a way for them to come home. They will always hold a very dear place in my heart. I am so grateful that they both will be raised in a Christian home, with families that will love them and protect them.
I know that Jesus is doing something new and something big. He has drawn my heart to China for as long as I can remember, and I clearly have a heart for orphans. Maybe this whole journey prepared a way for me to do something else. Maybe I was never meant to care for ONE orphan, but to help care for MANY. Maybe we are suppose to go to them, instead of bringing just her to us.
I do have a huge GOD story, but it deserves a post of its own. I will share it soon. If you will continue to pray for us, I would be so grateful. We aren't burning any bridges - we aren't withdrawing our adoption paperwork. We are just waiting for Jesus to show us what He is doing. We will join Him wherever he leads.